"Cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women — and a good sense of humor,"

What a wonderful way to summarise the longest innings on earth - Walter Breuning is the oldest man on earth today - living with a zest for life... Well in my humble opinion - he is living life on his terms.

The numerous scientific researches on the bane has not deterred the good old man. He may be an exception to the rule, but are not the No.1's the exception to every man made rule.

This leaves me wondering - on the dichotomy of life. Do I traverse the unknown path to live life on my terms or do I use the rulebook ? So many situations in life have taught me that the rulebook does not apply to me and I deviate - hence i am shunned by some, and loved by many. Do I win ?? Of course I tide over the troughs with ease and I am happy with the results - and that's what matters to me.

I don't do things to live long - but I definitely live life to the fullest. And hence I life to identify with this oldest person on earth - naah... no Cigis, no whiskey but am wild with my sense of humor...

So another zestful day has passed by, with another introspection and verification on life !!

Happy Birthday Walter Breuning !!

Come-Back !!

Can a simple mail - bring joy ? I dont know if it is a lasting emotion - but at the moment the over-whelming happiness is beyond all reasoning.

I am feeling happy now and the present is important. Will this happiness last - i dunno, and i dont care about it...

What is important is there is a mail - there is a thought that someone thinks about me still. That is a wonderful feeling for me right now.

Instead of having myriad of questions and thought on the why, how long, how come, am i be simple enough to live with this present. I think so !! Thank you for making my day is all I have to say now :-)

Good-Bye ???

Yes, This is not last of my blogs, rather a new beginning... The questions say it all.

I have understood the power of letting go !! It was hard to internalise that i need to let go. But i had to do it for my own good. The gnawing feeling, the impatient wait of every phone ring, the quick check if it was an sms i was waiting for - all of them had to stop !! And how can i do it ??

I need to talk to express what i feel, but there is not a soul who can hear me without being judgemental about it. And i don't want to feel bad about the past... It was good while it lasted. It is just that all good things come to an end and i have to accept it. Letting go through a mail is rude, and i hope i had other choices. Would it have been better if i had just showed up at the doorstep and demanded an explanation for the rejection ? That is the most stupidest act i could have indulged in and jeopardised everyone's reputation at stake. Should i have called to know what is happening ? Too much of concern in the name of ego....naaah .... cant let that happen. So the only option i had was to send an email and having done that.... Have i really let go ??

Time and distance are the best healers, i am told and believe it... Hope it works its miracle on me again !!

Outer Success

Does a relationship continue cos your successful ?
Here I am talking about those relationships like that of first circle of family - like aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - of the head and the heart.
And what I mean by outer success is your job, your bank balance, your visible lifestyle....

So does outer success have an impact on the relationship. Most often my experience has been a big YES as far as the family circle is concerned.

And I never felt, I had to question the impact as far as friends are concerned. But in the current phase of life - I begin to wonder... did my employment status impact the friendship... Have i gone wrong somewhere where i may have lost on some precious friends of the heart. I sincerely hope not... I love my friends and hate to lose them. But a big BUT.... when i need my friends the most at this hour... what has created this distance - that they have lost their little time for me ?

It pains and I am not able to reason it out. I value Friendship as the best relationship i have had and every person as a friend has left a mark in my life. We may not be in constant touch - but they have moved my life in a way which can be attributed only to them - do they know that ? I don't know - but i will be indebted to them for life.

Does outer success have an impact on the delicate fabric of friendship ? Any answers ??

A New Ending....

Wanted to try something different... and I thought, I always make a new beginning in various aspects of life... why not try to predict a new end and start backward ?

I have been off the traditional path in more ways than one.. surprises you ? For some it may, for some it may not.... and when I talk about an ending, I am sure I can imagine a few raised eyebrows :-)

I would like to end some top of the mind cliches... For one I am going to stop being available as a doormat.... when you feel there is dirt on your heels, something cozy to clean yourself.... I am going to stop feeling guilty for drawing attention to self... I am worth what I am and if I am drawing attention, it is to those who wanna be drawn :-) So easy to type out thoughts than implement them, but at least this is a humble end to the agony of the self !!

No Strings Attached

A phrase so cliche - I wonder if we understand the meaning when we ask or commit to this.

A clever ploy to get non-committal and hideous enough to moralise our acts. And everyone involved is party to it. But the fact remains that we are social beings. By the pedigree of the race as much as we are scared to commit - we need to be associated, we need to be linked, we need to be that someone special - yet we do not want the strings.

As a phrase, its easy to draw an analogy with the Kite without strings. As it soars in the air, high up in the sky, it goes with the wind. A beautiful kite - carefree and takes directions as the wind would take it. And when there is no gust, it rests and takes off at the next brush of air and keeps afloat... Wow what a wonderful feeling to be like that kite.... but alas !! When the kite rests on a sticky surface or not able to take off cos it was put in a wrong landing place --- since there was no wind ---- the life of the kite is over.... And sometimes we do come across people and situations where it is a path of no return....

As much as we would like to be the Kite with no strings attached, the reality is we need the connection - the emotional connect, the intellectual connect and so on... Yet we are afraid to commit or shy away from the commitment... We think we are free, but the more we connect - we are bonded and struggle with the dichotomy of emotions... And in this struggle - the light dawns !!

I am not a kite !! I am human - it is all right for me to feel what i feel and this moment is passe - the reality is the present - the life around me and their perceptions about me will guide the rest of my living. I chose to soar high - but that's in my mind and privy to me. Hence "No Strings Attached"- my mind soars to the unreachable stars :-)

Voice - a powerful personality trait

How many times have we heard a person first and created a mental image of that person ?

The rich baritone of a voice mesmerises the heart... In the churches, the pastors are trained to reach out to the masses with their voice and their diction so that the message of God touches the very soul...

Those who do not visit churches take solace in the divine renditions of some of the great vocalists. In addition to the language of the lyrics - the deep inner meaning - the rendition - the voice is what connects to the Supreme. And I would extend the same and as much as most of us don't admit it or take it for granted, the voice does play an important role in a personality definition !!

And I unashamedly admit - the voice is as important an attribute when I build relationships... Cultivating the tone, the undertones, the accent as a trait and eventually making it a part of the persona is the detailing of a personality description and such people are definitely on the high list of people I seek !!

Different Facets

Multiple Personality is something which not all of us accept that we possess. "Tell me your dreams" authored by Sidney Sheldon was the first time I was exposed to the disorder of Multiple Personality and the movie "Anniyan" was a brilliant depiction of this disorder in true desi style...

This set me thinking and re-thinking on the hypocrisy of life and when does one draw a line... A myriad of thoughts on what one thinks, talks and actually does in life - easily brushed aside that it is the call of the role - daughter/sister/wife/mother/aunty/grandmom or son/brother/husband/uncle/grand-dad or the employee/boss/employer relationship.

The roles are different facets of life and in living up to these roles - somewhere deep within the personal realm is lost. We are so sunk in the whirlpool of life that some of us don't realise our personal needs until it is too late while some others do want to satiate their needs and wants, but are caught in the trap of their rules by the different facets of life.... Oh Oh.... Sad but true.... and the extremities of the needs vs the rules may give arise the facets to personalities and when one is not conscious lead to the disorder with possible undesirable consequences.... So what ? Isn't that life ?

When one finds solace beyond the different facets of life - and can let go without an emotional baggage - which we know by powerful word "guilt" - is it wrong ? Is it right ? Varies from person to person - based on the life stage - based on the priorities .... and if one can add this other dimension and be content - Is that not nirvana ?

Different Facets .... yet another facet added !!

Perception Management

In the recent past, I was convinced by a very senior professional that "Perception is Reality". And in the overall scheme I thought, I knew what it meant and put some of my skills to manage perceptions. And as many of us would agree there is a very fine line between professional life and personal life, perception management also crept into my handling of personal relationships. Of course this is a trial and basis and I am aware at times - this will work and most of the time it will not.

It is so much easier to handle, Perception Management in a professional realm. The success is measurable in most simple ways - you are either accepted maybe through evaluations on the job or you are given feedback on the opportunities of improvement.

In the personal front, living is all about authenticity vs. acting, self-respect vs acceptance. If I am authentic, I am being judged by the social norms and rules. I am branded from being a rebel to being in-genuine. So i need to manage the perceptions and be accepted as a normal social animal. Hence I need to act hiding my needs and wants and be socially acceptable. In the process, there is hypocrisy in the relationships and then i lose my self-respect !! But who cares, as long as i am socially acceptable, the world around sees me as a happy-go-lucky go getter... And this honour should keep me going.. Outwardly successful .... but the Inner success has taken a beating ..... My inner self has taken a beating .... and to rely on anyone to help me out is mere foolishness !! Nothing wrong with anyone not willing to help... but to expect the thought process to be synchronous is wrong. Hence it is all about Perception Management !!

Manage my wants, needs and thoughts - driven entirely by the factors which contribute to inner and outer success... and manage others to see what they want to see :-) So much for Brand Identity through Perception Management !!

Catalyst - to Free me

Many a time I wondered when people around me said that "So-n-So had this big impact in my life" - How can one person have an impact on my ideologies, values, my past present and future ? Are these not what we define for ourselves. Am I not in control of my life - my actions, my attitudes, my success or failure ??

Till recently i was closed to the fact that someone can have an impact in my life. I was so full of myself and I was in absolute control of my life.... And then the journey of life got me into a deep valley - where personal life, work, health were taking its turn to reach its lowest ebb and I hit upon a ray of light in a friend who was by my side and saw me driving through this valley. With words of encouragement and support, this friend helped me find answers to my woes, and helped me rebuild my strength in preparation to scale the highs.... A friend indeed !! I am short of words which can express my gratitude ....

And probably my actions made my friend uncomfortable on continuing through this journey... Alas what did i do ? One friend has this impact in my life - and I refuse to share the special place of this friend - and this appears to be binding ?? A matter of perspective... And i am given time to refrain from this friendship - lest it turn out to be more special ?? Its like being banned from my freedom to chose my friends and the relationship i share with them.. This ban is a binding on my personal space. How could I allow an intrusion in my space... Again i have been so engrossed in firming up a friendship that i allowed my personal space to be constrained. Will such a constrain build or break this relationship ?? Too many contradicting thoughts - and then I remember the words of wisdom "let go".

As much as i value Friendship - which is a keep for lifetime, I also value my space. I needed a catalyst to help me free from my binding thoughts and I also value the friend who helped me realised this. Now i realise the profound statement "So-n-so did have an impact in my life"....

Health - Greatest Asset bestowed

Someone in the past once reminded me that Wealth is lost something is lost - but if Health is lost - All is lost !!

The profoundity of the statement dawned on me in the recent couple of days. I believed in it when it came to my near and dear ones around me - I just thought i was way above it. But when the stomach infection hit me back and had me sick all over - I was stubborn that my system will in its natural course recover and return me to normalcy !! Alas - I was wrong since the virus insisted on strict measures and being hospitalised is no mean experience with the nurses trying to find veins for the IV fluids and not finding the right entry !! OOPS - the most physically painful experience till date !! Thank God for small mercies and my attending doctor relented to my requests and i came along home singing that i got away - but Mr. Virus had me weak and dancing to its tunes - weak and drained and craving for some good food other that all the semi-solid porridge's.

Health is important - i need to focus on my diet and my woes will vanish !! Being the foodie i am - just need to change my perspectives and my Expectations. After all - Health is Wealth !!

Memories....

People love to create memories and then afraid they have created an indelible mark.

One man's gain is an other's loss - maybe - fear of the how and where it is going to be used... fear or tying one down. There is nothing right or wrong about the fear than the fear itself isn't it ? I feared to create some good memories - cos i was more bothered about the logistics of creating rather than the experience. Looking back i do regret - i did not create the great memories that i was capable of creating - be it at work or personal life !! So i really have nothing to reminisce !!

NO ! but i don't regret it - cos that would be measuring by someone else's yardstick !!

So what do i have now ... some very obvious memories which some people will remember me by.. some very dark secrets which is privy to me and i cannot share with anyone ... not even the soul which initiated it... so what am i talking about ? I am reminding myself to let go - allow the cosmos to absorb me as the soul - remove the man-made inhibitions - in the process i may appear selfish to some - selfless to some - but that is not the purpose of my existence... others perceptions and hence their memories about me !!

It is about give myself in all its entirety to the world created around me - my mom, my son, my career, and the numerous relationships i have entered into by choice - do my best and leave the rest to MEMORIES !!

Double Edged Sword

How many times in life - have I been given an opportunity, an avenue to decide on the path, the destination ?? And the irony is every time this has been a double edged sword !! Whichever path I chose, I am the absolute winner or the absolute loser. Ain't that a wonderful situation to be in ??

So what are my learning's from these choices ? That I have taken responsibility of my actions and my choices. I have taken a risk, worked hard on it and I own the results. There are multiple occasions - where I have been the loser ..... but looking back they were learning's to make me a little wee stronger. Was not that a half glass full of water and i knew i had to add to add more water - if wanted a full glass of water. And sometimes when i did win, it gave me a new ray in a despondent life.

So does a double-edged sword exist - maybe not - It is just a idiom to reiterate to myself that i am responsible for my choices. Why am i talking about it now ? I have more than one double-edged sword hanging on my head - and i am sure much later in life this blog will remind me of the choices i have made !!

Missing You !!

How often have we said this ? How often we have heard this ?

A phrase of 2 words but very powerful if understood !!

Missing someone you love - can be comprehended if you you have ever gone through pangs of separation. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling of desperation, a sense of longing - emptiness all around - a myriad of emotions choking your very breath of life !! Is it fair to go through all this - maybe yes - it is a healing process : maybe no - just drop a line thru a mail, call or do something to get together. But life is not black and white. In some cases, it goes beyond.

It is not easy to live through this yearning. Missing you is easier said than living through, but .......

Decisions

A report of a conclusion !!

The definition is so profound - yet people all around me want me to rethink about my decision. To assert that their thinking is right and I don't have a capability to think ?? Of course with all good intention - I am sermonised - but God Bless me - he has given me the prowess to think too !!

When I have made a decision - I own its consequences. There is no blame game here. So why don't people allow me to decide ?? I could extend the same to - do I allow my near and dear ones to decide ?????????????? I have to advice them - make them see the logic and the pragmatism - don't I know that the Almighty has given them the thinking prowess too.... but when I do so -- I am brushed aside because I am naive and do not understand. Such is the dichotomy of life ....

My decision will pain the dear ones in the near term. But I sincerely hope it will also bring them immense happiness in the years to come - as it will surely to me. I have a conscience to live with - be it as an interference - a person who steals away some one's precious little treasure cove or be it as a recluse - a person who denies companionship for eternity to self and others. So my decision is made. Quite unthinkable a few hours ago - but there to stay for a lifetime !!

So does that stop me from taking plunge ... it is a choice i need to make ..... A decision - a report of conclusions I have to take !!

Thodi Si Asha

Diwali day today and also the day where i fulfilled one of my long pending dreams - to light a 10000 wala !!

As much as i contribute to a pollution free environment - this is one dream which i could not wish away with my reasoning - be it monetary or be it with a social cause !! It was a sheer burn away of the little hard earned money. It was sound pollution for 5 full minutes.... but in that 5 minutes the myriad of emotions which ran through me - is something which is unexplainable - an extraordinary moment of rapture - comparable only to the next best thing : I hope somebody recognises this !!

I may be completely wrong by many a rule book : but who has made these rules !! Restrictions imposed by law, governments, society, families, siblings, parents and self !! As a law abiding citizen I firmly believe that my freedom ends where an other's nose begins - but that is all !! Every other rule has its twists and turns and its own flavours. Live life as a present .....

Thodi si Asha - maine aaj puri kar li !! With all these dreams getting fulfilled - i edge to the call of death with open arms - I have very very few dreams to be fulfilled before i RIP. Surely i should be known as a person who lived life every moment as it is present - fully and enjoyably !!

Festive Spirit

With Diwali just about a couple of days away, everyone around is in a festive mood. Shopping, Shopping and more shopping ....... As the much saved bank balances are getting depleted by the hour, it is time for bonding, sharing, giving gifts and thus the happiness that emanates - warms your soul - to the extent that bank balances are treated as material whims....

But come to think of it, if gifts were not bought, don't we still share our happiness during this time. Even if one did not feel ecstatic - the festive spirit around us - starts creating a sense of happiness - and in giving and sharing this starts touching us in a manner that it becomes a reality. What a wonderful way of creating this festive spirit in our souls !!

Hats off to our mythology - we weave stories around the reason of celebration - we do not believe it to be history - but we do celebrate !! Celebration of life is quintessential to our existence lest we get drawn into the quagmire of life - that is the essence of the festive spirit. The happiness which these festivities create reassure us that goodness wins over all evil. Hope is the straw which we hold on to in the most dire circumstances. And the festive spirit rekindles that hope.

Happiness is not complete without the feeling of love, feeling wanted, of loving - and this love is unconditional. A love which makes you wait with bated breath for a fulfilling moment - the festive spirit enables happiness resplendent with such love. So what am i waiting for - there is the festive spirit which is doling out happiness to me - completing my unrequited love - And i receive it with open arms, mind, soul and body !!

To be or not to be.........

One of my favorite phrases of Shakespeare that has to yet sink in. The more i think about it the more engrossing it is !!

The duality of life is amazing. As Swamiji aptly puts it - you have to be the seer instead of the seen.. being a victim is one being victimised is another .... the choice is in your hands.... At every stage of life, every act during the day, every gesture of a moment - there is a choice, sometimes the choices are prominent - sometimes they are not and hence the decision becomes so easy that we think we did not have a choice but at times there are powerful reasons for each choice to exist that the decision is tough. This seemingly complicates our life and we get engrossed in the means rather than the outcome.

I have a choice to be happy over what life has doled out in the last couple of weeks - if i chose to ignore this happiness because it could also trail some not so happy moments for some one - some where !! But do i have a choice ? Of course yes !! Do i know the not so happy moments or the consequences ? May not be !! Then why do i fret ? Fear of the unknown !! Yes !!!!!!!!!! This is what I refuse to admit, but there is a hidden fear based on my prejudices, moral bars and perceptions !! This fear factor complicates life for me and those who love me.... So should i be happy or not be happy ??

I keep aside my fears and chose to be happy !! Life is too short to keep pondering over "To be or not to be........................."

Casted .....

Life has been one roller-coaster ride for me - that's what i thought until i twisted my ankle - that's when i realised how it would be to come down from the spiralling heights with a speed that made me so dizzy - i felt life was collapsing around me - my commitment, my liabilities .... Oops i have created more mess for my loved ones...... till my leg was CASTED and assurances from the docs and reassurances from my loved ones that it is a matter of a few weeks - everything would be all right .....

So as the hours clicked with the cast on- and i was making contingencies for my routines - every day was a drag - here now there was a count down to the magic number of 21 days so that i could return to normal life... In three weeks life revealed to me so many things .... I woke up to harsh acceptances of truth. Some were not so pleasant but some were absolutely fabulous what life has handed over to me in the name of providence. These three weeks of confinement was like 3 hours of an super duper hit bollywood movie - thoda rona - lots of laughter and of course tons of love --- would i have got this otherwise - may not be . So being casted in the drama of life - i feel like a heroine now - the diamond which was discovered with tons of pressure - the cast now gone and ready to take life head on !!

Now i realise what is a roller coaster ride ........... i just had to be CASTED !!

Perception - Ordinary and Not-so-ordinary

Every man is free to have his perception of people and events. Perception is one's understanding, assumptions, reactions, judgements based on certain facts which occurs in the past or present. As a citizen, this definition is given and nobody delves into the realms and probably just brushes it aside with the thought/saying "It is so-and-so's perception" and life moves on.....

But does a person in position of authority like a political leader, Prime Minister, CEO, or the Presidents and office bearers of a social group have such liberties of brushing aside perceptions. The answer is a definite "NO". We fail and forget that these people are human beings too, but the expectation from them, because they have been gracious enough to shoulder responsibilities implies it is their bow down duty not to have perceptions !!

So are perceptions wrong ? No !
Can you refute someones perception ? You can try to do it - but may not achieve success - and this is not only dependent on you convincing and influential skills -it depends on how strong rooted the other perceptions are !!

So perceptions are common are ordinary - as long as they do not impact an other's life !!

When your perceptions do not fall in line with the norm - the not-so-ordinary - that's when either u could land in trouble or land others in trouble... And that is when all hell breaks loose...

I may sound as a matter of fact here - but right here as i write this article i am pounded by perceptions of two couples. While i am no one as a person to pass judgement, i am being looked upon for some encouraging words, since i hold a coveted role in my society. I hate this sticky situation - but i am warned from voicing my perceptions. It could be not-so-ordinary perception, but I should not voice it out ......

Anybody with similar experiences is welcome to share !!