People love to create memories and then afraid they have created an indelible mark.
One man's gain is an other's loss - maybe - fear of the how and where it is going to be used... fear or tying one down. There is nothing right or wrong about the fear than the fear itself isn't it ? I feared to create some good memories - cos i was more bothered about the logistics of creating rather than the experience. Looking back i do regret - i did not create the great memories that i was capable of creating - be it at work or personal life !! So i really have nothing to reminisce !!
NO ! but i don't regret it - cos that would be measuring by someone else's yardstick !!
So what do i have now ... some very obvious memories which some people will remember me by.. some very dark secrets which is privy to me and i cannot share with anyone ... not even the soul which initiated it... so what am i talking about ? I am reminding myself to let go - allow the cosmos to absorb me as the soul - remove the man-made inhibitions - in the process i may appear selfish to some - selfless to some - but that is not the purpose of my existence... others perceptions and hence their memories about me !!
It is about give myself in all its entirety to the world created around me - my mom, my son, my career, and the numerous relationships i have entered into by choice - do my best and leave the rest to MEMORIES !!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Double Edged Sword
How many times in life - have I been given an opportunity, an avenue to decide on the path, the destination ?? And the irony is every time this has been a double edged sword !! Whichever path I chose, I am the absolute winner or the absolute loser. Ain't that a wonderful situation to be in ??
So what are my learning's from these choices ? That I have taken responsibility of my actions and my choices. I have taken a risk, worked hard on it and I own the results. There are multiple occasions - where I have been the loser ..... but looking back they were learning's to make me a little wee stronger. Was not that a half glass full of water and i knew i had to add to add more water - if wanted a full glass of water. And sometimes when i did win, it gave me a new ray in a despondent life.
So does a double-edged sword exist - maybe not - It is just a idiom to reiterate to myself that i am responsible for my choices. Why am i talking about it now ? I have more than one double-edged sword hanging on my head - and i am sure much later in life this blog will remind me of the choices i have made !!
So what are my learning's from these choices ? That I have taken responsibility of my actions and my choices. I have taken a risk, worked hard on it and I own the results. There are multiple occasions - where I have been the loser ..... but looking back they were learning's to make me a little wee stronger. Was not that a half glass full of water and i knew i had to add to add more water - if wanted a full glass of water. And sometimes when i did win, it gave me a new ray in a despondent life.
So does a double-edged sword exist - maybe not - It is just a idiom to reiterate to myself that i am responsible for my choices. Why am i talking about it now ? I have more than one double-edged sword hanging on my head - and i am sure much later in life this blog will remind me of the choices i have made !!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Driving All ______ :-))
"I love driving !!" This statement of mince evinces queer looks by all. I enjoy every drive - be it to the workplace or to any destination. Ajith announced his wedding four weeks back - and it set my mind racing - here is another opportunity I get : to drive to Coimbatore on the "that" highway. But just Kovai was boring !! So in my mind I plan for the route Bangalore - Ooty - Coimbatore - Bangalore !! I made my plans known to Ajith - and he spread the good word that I will be attending the wedding. The only risk folks need to take is to trust me behind the wheel. Roger was the first to be game for this plan and i was determined to make this trip. Sheela got wind of my plans and was all set to join me. Anand was unsure and was 90% sure till 2 days before the journey. Rattan was game and with the only doubt - Sunita driving ??? 90% only !!
As the date was approaching - Rattan with his love for the jungles brought about a small change in the itinerary that we should probably do a jungle safari enroute - and very graciously did the bookings for us at Jungle Hut http://www.junglehut.in/index1.html. Mails went back and forth and by Thursday 20-nov we had all confirmed on the logistics.
Friday 12 Noon - was the decided time we would leave Hallmark - But IST is so common here Roger and Rattan !! So here we were a group of 5 - we don't even know each other well types - leaving Hallmark at 2 pm. Just as we entered the Mysore Highway - we needed to take a bio-break stop and "ToLet" signs were read otherwise. After a good shot of caffeine at Barista we hit the road - but the weekend traffic was not what i anticipated so with a couple of more breaks we reached Mysore @ 6 pm. We were well on the road to Ooty and after Gundalpet - there was no road. In the dark and wilderness it was the most uninteresting drive and i sure did have doubts on proceeding. But the team was such a darling - they had only words of encouragement !! We knew we were driving in the jungle - twas dark and the road ahead of us led to our destination and that was all we could see. And we finally reached Jungle Inn oops Jungle Hut by 9.30 pm after innumerable calls to Vikram and Anushree. Checked in and we were all over the piping hot dinner buffet spread. Plans for the next day was not the only conversation over the dinner - but was the first bonding time for all of us !! We retired for the night amidst the sounds of cricket outside and the lizards talking to us in the rooms. Not to mention good souls sms'ng me at 1 am to check on my well being - and then giving me a sleepless night - was a welcome icing on the cake !!
Despite denial of a wake-up call we were up by 5 am to get ready for the jungle safari. Reached the tourism counter by 6.30 am to find it would open by 7 am and there were 150 students waiting ahead of us to do the safari. And so we finally got our turn by 8 am and we were dead sure that we would not get to see any animals inside the jungle. But how can the animals not have our darshan and so we did see the regulars there - Anand has a count on the animals we saw. Rattan and Anand got a renewed high in catching glimpses of all our visitors :-) A good hours drive and we returned to the starting point - the jungle hut - of course with numerous pictures taken all along the path. We had breakfast - reached out to all our beloveds in the intermittent packets of signals - refreshed and all set to go to Ooty !!
I chose to drive the Kalahatty route - 36 hair pin bends to reach Ooty 33 Kms away - the short cut - the steep route - it is any drivers kick to do this route - Wow I enjoyed every inch of drive - But i cant be sure of my co-travellers on the same :-( We reached Ooty and headed to Presidency Club where i had made reservations. I was quite shocked by the unpreparedness of the KSCA affiliate - but i had my Plan B in place with the help of Vinod and also Plan C put in motion. On his bookings we landed at Silver Oak - a decent place. The cottage was good but not accomodative - the rooms were pretty good !! Sheela ordered for some nice south Indian Thali and by the time we refreshed our lunch was ready. We lunched and headed out to the Ooty lake for some boating. As we approached the site - we realised we were in biting cold and we were not equipped. Some quick purchases ensured all of us were warm. Rattan chose to pedal the boat on the Lake and Roger was his willing partner. As they set out boating - Sheela and me had to have some hot corn on the cob and Anand watched us nibble away with a bottle of water in tow.
In all the excitement of travel - we still had some shopping to do and we headed to Cherring Cross. First we headed for a cuppa and then some home made chocolates - some bargain shopping and then again for a light dinner in the biting cold. It was a long day and we wanted to catch some sleep - but twas very cold and there were no heaters available :-( What a place ??
The next morning after a late breakfast we head towards Coonoor with some grandiose plans of visiting the tea factory - but due to time constraints - we realigned our objective of outing was attending Ajith's wedding ceremonies - we headed straight to Kovai. And we did reach Kovai on time for his engagement in the afternoon - Anand was openly aghast at my driving skills skipping red lights in Kovai and vehicles honking us out of their way and the rest of my fellow travellers were sure thinking - "Whatever - just reach us to our destination !!"
Sheela and me needed a quick makeover to traditional attire from the travellers outlook. After the engagement, initial pleasantries with bride, groom and their families - we headed to Jenny's club - checked in and Anand, Sheela and me hired a cab and went straight out for the final shopping. We had a pretty decent bargain shopping - but surely Roger was not happy with our timings of return. By the time all of us were ready to enter the reception hall - Ajith already was calling us - lest we miss the reception !! All the pictures of the reception are not to be missed at this site : http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=258054758/a=154542622_154542622/t_=154542622
The Carnatic music recital was something which i enjoyed thoroughly before we went for dinner. The dinner spread was too good and we did have a great time. It was 10 pm and Sheela - "the Mom" announced we had to get back to the club house to retire !! We did return to the club house taking our own sweet time and definitely watched the last over of the India-England match at the Bar lounge.
The next morning we had to be in the wedding hall by 730 hrs and for a change we made it on time. It was fun watching all the wedding rituals - memories are all captured and we were ready to head back to Bangalore by 11 am. After a lot of haggling on fitting all our bargained goodies in the small big car - we finally left Kovai by noon. The route given to us by Ramesh was fantastic as promised. Well laid roads with the least traffic - hats off to guide us well. 345 kms in 8 hrs with 5 breaks of 15 mins each goes a long way to talk about the route !! Reached Bangalore with memories of "Wow !! I really drove all my friends ________ "
Thank you folks for making this one of the most pleasurable drives. I am raring to do a Delhi trip by Road ... Any takers ??
As the date was approaching - Rattan with his love for the jungles brought about a small change in the itinerary that we should probably do a jungle safari enroute - and very graciously did the bookings for us at Jungle Hut http://www.junglehut.in/index1.html. Mails went back and forth and by Thursday 20-nov we had all confirmed on the logistics.
Friday 12 Noon - was the decided time we would leave Hallmark - But IST is so common here Roger and Rattan !! So here we were a group of 5 - we don't even know each other well types - leaving Hallmark at 2 pm. Just as we entered the Mysore Highway - we needed to take a bio-break stop and "ToLet" signs were read otherwise. After a good shot of caffeine at Barista we hit the road - but the weekend traffic was not what i anticipated so with a couple of more breaks we reached Mysore @ 6 pm. We were well on the road to Ooty and after Gundalpet - there was no road. In the dark and wilderness it was the most uninteresting drive and i sure did have doubts on proceeding. But the team was such a darling - they had only words of encouragement !! We knew we were driving in the jungle - twas dark and the road ahead of us led to our destination and that was all we could see. And we finally reached Jungle Inn oops Jungle Hut by 9.30 pm after innumerable calls to Vikram and Anushree. Checked in and we were all over the piping hot dinner buffet spread. Plans for the next day was not the only conversation over the dinner - but was the first bonding time for all of us !! We retired for the night amidst the sounds of cricket outside and the lizards talking to us in the rooms. Not to mention good souls sms'ng me at 1 am to check on my well being - and then giving me a sleepless night - was a welcome icing on the cake !!
Despite denial of a wake-up call we were up by 5 am to get ready for the jungle safari. Reached the tourism counter by 6.30 am to find it would open by 7 am and there were 150 students waiting ahead of us to do the safari. And so we finally got our turn by 8 am and we were dead sure that we would not get to see any animals inside the jungle. But how can the animals not have our darshan and so we did see the regulars there - Anand has a count on the animals we saw. Rattan and Anand got a renewed high in catching glimpses of all our visitors :-) A good hours drive and we returned to the starting point - the jungle hut - of course with numerous pictures taken all along the path. We had breakfast - reached out to all our beloveds in the intermittent packets of signals - refreshed and all set to go to Ooty !!
I chose to drive the Kalahatty route - 36 hair pin bends to reach Ooty 33 Kms away - the short cut - the steep route - it is any drivers kick to do this route - Wow I enjoyed every inch of drive - But i cant be sure of my co-travellers on the same :-( We reached Ooty and headed to Presidency Club where i had made reservations. I was quite shocked by the unpreparedness of the KSCA affiliate - but i had my Plan B in place with the help of Vinod and also Plan C put in motion. On his bookings we landed at Silver Oak - a decent place. The cottage was good but not accomodative - the rooms were pretty good !! Sheela ordered for some nice south Indian Thali and by the time we refreshed our lunch was ready. We lunched and headed out to the Ooty lake for some boating. As we approached the site - we realised we were in biting cold and we were not equipped. Some quick purchases ensured all of us were warm. Rattan chose to pedal the boat on the Lake and Roger was his willing partner. As they set out boating - Sheela and me had to have some hot corn on the cob and Anand watched us nibble away with a bottle of water in tow.
In all the excitement of travel - we still had some shopping to do and we headed to Cherring Cross. First we headed for a cuppa and then some home made chocolates - some bargain shopping and then again for a light dinner in the biting cold. It was a long day and we wanted to catch some sleep - but twas very cold and there were no heaters available :-( What a place ??
The next morning after a late breakfast we head towards Coonoor with some grandiose plans of visiting the tea factory - but due to time constraints - we realigned our objective of outing was attending Ajith's wedding ceremonies - we headed straight to Kovai. And we did reach Kovai on time for his engagement in the afternoon - Anand was openly aghast at my driving skills skipping red lights in Kovai and vehicles honking us out of their way and the rest of my fellow travellers were sure thinking - "Whatever - just reach us to our destination !!"
Sheela and me needed a quick makeover to traditional attire from the travellers outlook. After the engagement, initial pleasantries with bride, groom and their families - we headed to Jenny's club - checked in and Anand, Sheela and me hired a cab and went straight out for the final shopping. We had a pretty decent bargain shopping - but surely Roger was not happy with our timings of return. By the time all of us were ready to enter the reception hall - Ajith already was calling us - lest we miss the reception !! All the pictures of the reception are not to be missed at this site : http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=258054758/a=154542622_154542622/t_=154542622
The Carnatic music recital was something which i enjoyed thoroughly before we went for dinner. The dinner spread was too good and we did have a great time. It was 10 pm and Sheela - "the Mom" announced we had to get back to the club house to retire !! We did return to the club house taking our own sweet time and definitely watched the last over of the India-England match at the Bar lounge.
The next morning we had to be in the wedding hall by 730 hrs and for a change we made it on time. It was fun watching all the wedding rituals - memories are all captured and we were ready to head back to Bangalore by 11 am. After a lot of haggling on fitting all our bargained goodies in the small big car - we finally left Kovai by noon. The route given to us by Ramesh was fantastic as promised. Well laid roads with the least traffic - hats off to guide us well. 345 kms in 8 hrs with 5 breaks of 15 mins each goes a long way to talk about the route !! Reached Bangalore with memories of "Wow !! I really drove all my friends ________ "
Thank you folks for making this one of the most pleasurable drives. I am raring to do a Delhi trip by Road ... Any takers ??
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Missing You !!
How often have we said this ? How often we have heard this ?
A phrase of 2 words but very powerful if understood !!
Missing someone you love - can be comprehended if you you have ever gone through pangs of separation. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling of desperation, a sense of longing - emptiness all around - a myriad of emotions choking your very breath of life !! Is it fair to go through all this - maybe yes - it is a healing process : maybe no - just drop a line thru a mail, call or do something to get together. But life is not black and white. In some cases, it goes beyond.
It is not easy to live through this yearning. Missing you is easier said than living through, but .......
A phrase of 2 words but very powerful if understood !!
Missing someone you love - can be comprehended if you you have ever gone through pangs of separation. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling of desperation, a sense of longing - emptiness all around - a myriad of emotions choking your very breath of life !! Is it fair to go through all this - maybe yes - it is a healing process : maybe no - just drop a line thru a mail, call or do something to get together. But life is not black and white. In some cases, it goes beyond.
It is not easy to live through this yearning. Missing you is easier said than living through, but .......
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Decisions
A report of a conclusion !!
The definition is so profound - yet people all around me want me to rethink about my decision. To assert that their thinking is right and I don't have a capability to think ?? Of course with all good intention - I am sermonised - but God Bless me - he has given me the prowess to think too !!
When I have made a decision - I own its consequences. There is no blame game here. So why don't people allow me to decide ?? I could extend the same to - do I allow my near and dear ones to decide ?????????????? I have to advice them - make them see the logic and the pragmatism - don't I know that the Almighty has given them the thinking prowess too.... but when I do so -- I am brushed aside because I am naive and do not understand. Such is the dichotomy of life ....
My decision will pain the dear ones in the near term. But I sincerely hope it will also bring them immense happiness in the years to come - as it will surely to me. I have a conscience to live with - be it as an interference - a person who steals away some one's precious little treasure cove or be it as a recluse - a person who denies companionship for eternity to self and others. So my decision is made. Quite unthinkable a few hours ago - but there to stay for a lifetime !!
So does that stop me from taking plunge ... it is a choice i need to make ..... A decision - a report of conclusions I have to take !!
The definition is so profound - yet people all around me want me to rethink about my decision. To assert that their thinking is right and I don't have a capability to think ?? Of course with all good intention - I am sermonised - but God Bless me - he has given me the prowess to think too !!
When I have made a decision - I own its consequences. There is no blame game here. So why don't people allow me to decide ?? I could extend the same to - do I allow my near and dear ones to decide ?????????????? I have to advice them - make them see the logic and the pragmatism - don't I know that the Almighty has given them the thinking prowess too.... but when I do so -- I am brushed aside because I am naive and do not understand. Such is the dichotomy of life ....
My decision will pain the dear ones in the near term. But I sincerely hope it will also bring them immense happiness in the years to come - as it will surely to me. I have a conscience to live with - be it as an interference - a person who steals away some one's precious little treasure cove or be it as a recluse - a person who denies companionship for eternity to self and others. So my decision is made. Quite unthinkable a few hours ago - but there to stay for a lifetime !!
So does that stop me from taking plunge ... it is a choice i need to make ..... A decision - a report of conclusions I have to take !!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thodi Si Asha
Diwali day today and also the day where i fulfilled one of my long pending dreams - to light a 10000 wala !!
As much as i contribute to a pollution free environment - this is one dream which i could not wish away with my reasoning - be it monetary or be it with a social cause !! It was a sheer burn away of the little hard earned money. It was sound pollution for 5 full minutes.... but in that 5 minutes the myriad of emotions which ran through me - is something which is unexplainable - an extraordinary moment of rapture - comparable only to the next best thing : I hope somebody recognises this !!
I may be completely wrong by many a rule book : but who has made these rules !! Restrictions imposed by law, governments, society, families, siblings, parents and self !! As a law abiding citizen I firmly believe that my freedom ends where an other's nose begins - but that is all !! Every other rule has its twists and turns and its own flavours. Live life as a present .....
Thodi si Asha - maine aaj puri kar li !! With all these dreams getting fulfilled - i edge to the call of death with open arms - I have very very few dreams to be fulfilled before i RIP. Surely i should be known as a person who lived life every moment as it is present - fully and enjoyably !!
As much as i contribute to a pollution free environment - this is one dream which i could not wish away with my reasoning - be it monetary or be it with a social cause !! It was a sheer burn away of the little hard earned money. It was sound pollution for 5 full minutes.... but in that 5 minutes the myriad of emotions which ran through me - is something which is unexplainable - an extraordinary moment of rapture - comparable only to the next best thing : I hope somebody recognises this !!
I may be completely wrong by many a rule book : but who has made these rules !! Restrictions imposed by law, governments, society, families, siblings, parents and self !! As a law abiding citizen I firmly believe that my freedom ends where an other's nose begins - but that is all !! Every other rule has its twists and turns and its own flavours. Live life as a present .....
Thodi si Asha - maine aaj puri kar li !! With all these dreams getting fulfilled - i edge to the call of death with open arms - I have very very few dreams to be fulfilled before i RIP. Surely i should be known as a person who lived life every moment as it is present - fully and enjoyably !!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Festive Spirit
With Diwali just about a couple of days away, everyone around is in a festive mood. Shopping, Shopping and more shopping ....... As the much saved bank balances are getting depleted by the hour, it is time for bonding, sharing, giving gifts and thus the happiness that emanates - warms your soul - to the extent that bank balances are treated as material whims....
But come to think of it, if gifts were not bought, don't we still share our happiness during this time. Even if one did not feel ecstatic - the festive spirit around us - starts creating a sense of happiness - and in giving and sharing this starts touching us in a manner that it becomes a reality. What a wonderful way of creating this festive spirit in our souls !!
Hats off to our mythology - we weave stories around the reason of celebration - we do not believe it to be history - but we do celebrate !! Celebration of life is quintessential to our existence lest we get drawn into the quagmire of life - that is the essence of the festive spirit. The happiness which these festivities create reassure us that goodness wins over all evil. Hope is the straw which we hold on to in the most dire circumstances. And the festive spirit rekindles that hope.
Happiness is not complete without the feeling of love, feeling wanted, of loving - and this love is unconditional. A love which makes you wait with bated breath for a fulfilling moment - the festive spirit enables happiness resplendent with such love. So what am i waiting for - there is the festive spirit which is doling out happiness to me - completing my unrequited love - And i receive it with open arms, mind, soul and body !!
But come to think of it, if gifts were not bought, don't we still share our happiness during this time. Even if one did not feel ecstatic - the festive spirit around us - starts creating a sense of happiness - and in giving and sharing this starts touching us in a manner that it becomes a reality. What a wonderful way of creating this festive spirit in our souls !!
Hats off to our mythology - we weave stories around the reason of celebration - we do not believe it to be history - but we do celebrate !! Celebration of life is quintessential to our existence lest we get drawn into the quagmire of life - that is the essence of the festive spirit. The happiness which these festivities create reassure us that goodness wins over all evil. Hope is the straw which we hold on to in the most dire circumstances. And the festive spirit rekindles that hope.
Happiness is not complete without the feeling of love, feeling wanted, of loving - and this love is unconditional. A love which makes you wait with bated breath for a fulfilling moment - the festive spirit enables happiness resplendent with such love. So what am i waiting for - there is the festive spirit which is doling out happiness to me - completing my unrequited love - And i receive it with open arms, mind, soul and body !!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
To be or not to be.........
One of my favorite phrases of Shakespeare that has to yet sink in. The more i think about it the more engrossing it is !!
The duality of life is amazing. As Swamiji aptly puts it - you have to be the seer instead of the seen.. being a victim is one being victimised is another .... the choice is in your hands.... At every stage of life, every act during the day, every gesture of a moment - there is a choice, sometimes the choices are prominent - sometimes they are not and hence the decision becomes so easy that we think we did not have a choice but at times there are powerful reasons for each choice to exist that the decision is tough. This seemingly complicates our life and we get engrossed in the means rather than the outcome.
I have a choice to be happy over what life has doled out in the last couple of weeks - if i chose to ignore this happiness because it could also trail some not so happy moments for some one - some where !! But do i have a choice ? Of course yes !! Do i know the not so happy moments or the consequences ? May not be !! Then why do i fret ? Fear of the unknown !! Yes !!!!!!!!!! This is what I refuse to admit, but there is a hidden fear based on my prejudices, moral bars and perceptions !! This fear factor complicates life for me and those who love me.... So should i be happy or not be happy ??
I keep aside my fears and chose to be happy !! Life is too short to keep pondering over "To be or not to be........................."
The duality of life is amazing. As Swamiji aptly puts it - you have to be the seer instead of the seen.. being a victim is one being victimised is another .... the choice is in your hands.... At every stage of life, every act during the day, every gesture of a moment - there is a choice, sometimes the choices are prominent - sometimes they are not and hence the decision becomes so easy that we think we did not have a choice but at times there are powerful reasons for each choice to exist that the decision is tough. This seemingly complicates our life and we get engrossed in the means rather than the outcome.
I have a choice to be happy over what life has doled out in the last couple of weeks - if i chose to ignore this happiness because it could also trail some not so happy moments for some one - some where !! But do i have a choice ? Of course yes !! Do i know the not so happy moments or the consequences ? May not be !! Then why do i fret ? Fear of the unknown !! Yes !!!!!!!!!! This is what I refuse to admit, but there is a hidden fear based on my prejudices, moral bars and perceptions !! This fear factor complicates life for me and those who love me.... So should i be happy or not be happy ??
I keep aside my fears and chose to be happy !! Life is too short to keep pondering over "To be or not to be........................."
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Casted .....
Life has been one roller-coaster ride for me - that's what i thought until i twisted my ankle - that's when i realised how it would be to come down from the spiralling heights with a speed that made me so dizzy - i felt life was collapsing around me - my commitment, my liabilities .... Oops i have created more mess for my loved ones...... till my leg was CASTED and assurances from the docs and reassurances from my loved ones that it is a matter of a few weeks - everything would be all right .....
So as the hours clicked with the cast on- and i was making contingencies for my routines - every day was a drag - here now there was a count down to the magic number of 21 days so that i could return to normal life... In three weeks life revealed to me so many things .... I woke up to harsh acceptances of truth. Some were not so pleasant but some were absolutely fabulous what life has handed over to me in the name of providence. These three weeks of confinement was like 3 hours of an super duper hit bollywood movie - thoda rona - lots of laughter and of course tons of love --- would i have got this otherwise - may not be . So being casted in the drama of life - i feel like a heroine now - the diamond which was discovered with tons of pressure - the cast now gone and ready to take life head on !!
Now i realise what is a roller coaster ride ........... i just had to be CASTED !!
So as the hours clicked with the cast on- and i was making contingencies for my routines - every day was a drag - here now there was a count down to the magic number of 21 days so that i could return to normal life... In three weeks life revealed to me so many things .... I woke up to harsh acceptances of truth. Some were not so pleasant but some were absolutely fabulous what life has handed over to me in the name of providence. These three weeks of confinement was like 3 hours of an super duper hit bollywood movie - thoda rona - lots of laughter and of course tons of love --- would i have got this otherwise - may not be . So being casted in the drama of life - i feel like a heroine now - the diamond which was discovered with tons of pressure - the cast now gone and ready to take life head on !!
Now i realise what is a roller coaster ride ........... i just had to be CASTED !!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Perception - Ordinary and Not-so-ordinary
Every man is free to have his perception of people and events. Perception is one's understanding, assumptions, reactions, judgements based on certain facts which occurs in the past or present. As a citizen, this definition is given and nobody delves into the realms and probably just brushes it aside with the thought/saying "It is so-and-so's perception" and life moves on.....
But does a person in position of authority like a political leader, Prime Minister, CEO, or the Presidents and office bearers of a social group have such liberties of brushing aside perceptions. The answer is a definite "NO". We fail and forget that these people are human beings too, but the expectation from them, because they have been gracious enough to shoulder responsibilities implies it is their bow down duty not to have perceptions !!
So are perceptions wrong ? No !
Can you refute someones perception ? You can try to do it - but may not achieve success - and this is not only dependent on you convincing and influential skills -it depends on how strong rooted the other perceptions are !!
So perceptions are common are ordinary - as long as they do not impact an other's life !!
When your perceptions do not fall in line with the norm - the not-so-ordinary - that's when either u could land in trouble or land others in trouble... And that is when all hell breaks loose...
I may sound as a matter of fact here - but right here as i write this article i am pounded by perceptions of two couples. While i am no one as a person to pass judgement, i am being looked upon for some encouraging words, since i hold a coveted role in my society. I hate this sticky situation - but i am warned from voicing my perceptions. It could be not-so-ordinary perception, but I should not voice it out ......
Anybody with similar experiences is welcome to share !!
But does a person in position of authority like a political leader, Prime Minister, CEO, or the Presidents and office bearers of a social group have such liberties of brushing aside perceptions. The answer is a definite "NO". We fail and forget that these people are human beings too, but the expectation from them, because they have been gracious enough to shoulder responsibilities implies it is their bow down duty not to have perceptions !!
So are perceptions wrong ? No !
Can you refute someones perception ? You can try to do it - but may not achieve success - and this is not only dependent on you convincing and influential skills -it depends on how strong rooted the other perceptions are !!
So perceptions are common are ordinary - as long as they do not impact an other's life !!
When your perceptions do not fall in line with the norm - the not-so-ordinary - that's when either u could land in trouble or land others in trouble... And that is when all hell breaks loose...
I may sound as a matter of fact here - but right here as i write this article i am pounded by perceptions of two couples. While i am no one as a person to pass judgement, i am being looked upon for some encouraging words, since i hold a coveted role in my society. I hate this sticky situation - but i am warned from voicing my perceptions. It could be not-so-ordinary perception, but I should not voice it out ......
Anybody with similar experiences is welcome to share !!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Two Sides of the Same Coin - Dichotomy of Life
Everything in Life is dual in nature !! Strange as it sounds, but it remains a fact.
The day dawns on us as the sun rises, and as we toil through the day, we wait for the bliss of night, and as the sun sets, it rests our tired body mind and souls. As we look forward to another day, we look to rest too. In the height of monsoon, we long for the cool weather and we are awaiting the winter months - time for festivals - heights of our cultural gait and then we unwind - letting our hair down thru christmas and new year parties... As we wear ourselves down, we look forward for the spring and the warmth of the sun - exam time vacation - and then long for the skies to give us the elixir of life thru rain ... And so goes on life - day & night , monsoon --> winter --> spring --> summer, year after year...
Just as the changing times and as we expect it with open arms - with a mindset to receive it clockwise - our minds are most often not tuned to the ups and downs of life. We refuse to see that after every bright spot is also a moment of sadness - an opportunity to reflect and count our blessings. I believe that mountains are beautiful because of its deep ravines and valleys - i get philosophical in life. This belief was further strengthened by Swamiji who elucidated this point through a Zen story and wrapped it in the sublime power of simplicity :
A Zen master was rowing a boat with his disciple who was perplexed with life's sadness and happiness. To make his point - the Zen master started rowing on only one side. As with the laws of rowing - the boat started to go in circles - and they were no longer heading towards their destination. Now the Disciple understood the meaning which was explained by the Master - Life's journey has the good and the bad and both need to go in hand to reach our destination - to complete the journey.
Look at a coin - Just as you have the heads - so too the tails are necessary to complete the coin !!
Much simpler said - and less understood. The diamond is a product of compression of coals for millions of years - the most cherished product by millions world wide. Brilliance of the diamond is complemented by the years of hiding in the crust of the earth !! Strange but true.. Look at every great personality on this earth. They have not achieved their title or status by virtue of being a common man. Their dedication, perseverance and toil (here is am not making judgements of the good and the bad people - cos i firmly believe that the so call evil doers too have toiled hard for the wrong reasons) have gained them their stature. Every glory has a gory story but not necessarily all gory stories have a glorious representative - their choice maybe different.
The dichotomy of life as much as a complex phenomena, it may appear - needs to be lived and enjoyed every moment. As children when we dont get into too much of analysis of this - it blows away like a wind, but as we traverse through the many facets and roles of life - we complicate it and look for answers - when in reality they are deep within. So lets face life with the child-like abandon and the two sides of the same coin can be accepted with open wanton - a life to cherish and enjoy !!
The day dawns on us as the sun rises, and as we toil through the day, we wait for the bliss of night, and as the sun sets, it rests our tired body mind and souls. As we look forward to another day, we look to rest too. In the height of monsoon, we long for the cool weather and we are awaiting the winter months - time for festivals - heights of our cultural gait and then we unwind - letting our hair down thru christmas and new year parties... As we wear ourselves down, we look forward for the spring and the warmth of the sun - exam time vacation - and then long for the skies to give us the elixir of life thru rain ... And so goes on life - day & night , monsoon --> winter --> spring --> summer, year after year...
Just as the changing times and as we expect it with open arms - with a mindset to receive it clockwise - our minds are most often not tuned to the ups and downs of life. We refuse to see that after every bright spot is also a moment of sadness - an opportunity to reflect and count our blessings. I believe that mountains are beautiful because of its deep ravines and valleys - i get philosophical in life. This belief was further strengthened by Swamiji who elucidated this point through a Zen story and wrapped it in the sublime power of simplicity :
A Zen master was rowing a boat with his disciple who was perplexed with life's sadness and happiness. To make his point - the Zen master started rowing on only one side. As with the laws of rowing - the boat started to go in circles - and they were no longer heading towards their destination. Now the Disciple understood the meaning which was explained by the Master - Life's journey has the good and the bad and both need to go in hand to reach our destination - to complete the journey.
Look at a coin - Just as you have the heads - so too the tails are necessary to complete the coin !!
Much simpler said - and less understood. The diamond is a product of compression of coals for millions of years - the most cherished product by millions world wide. Brilliance of the diamond is complemented by the years of hiding in the crust of the earth !! Strange but true.. Look at every great personality on this earth. They have not achieved their title or status by virtue of being a common man. Their dedication, perseverance and toil (here is am not making judgements of the good and the bad people - cos i firmly believe that the so call evil doers too have toiled hard for the wrong reasons) have gained them their stature. Every glory has a gory story but not necessarily all gory stories have a glorious representative - their choice maybe different.
The dichotomy of life as much as a complex phenomena, it may appear - needs to be lived and enjoyed every moment. As children when we dont get into too much of analysis of this - it blows away like a wind, but as we traverse through the many facets and roles of life - we complicate it and look for answers - when in reality they are deep within. So lets face life with the child-like abandon and the two sides of the same coin can be accepted with open wanton - a life to cherish and enjoy !!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Life with a Loss
"Death is the only inevitable of life "
Every being born on this earth, has to die. That is the ultimate truth of life. - I understand the profound philosophy of this truth. I know I have to face this for all my near and dear ones and for myself too. With all my life's trials and tribulations - I too have my fears. Through my tough times, I never feared of my death - the thought is hilarious to me. So what if I die ? I don't know. Do I care about the effects my death would have - maybe not, maybe yes. But let me talk about my deepest and profound fears - I only fear death - for it may snatch away the two most important human beings of my life - my life givers - my parents - my mother and father.
My father - His loss is what makes me pour out my thoughts here. As much as i think i am part of my mother's soul - my father has been my guide and protector. He has been there for me since i was born- my provider - my backbone of life. His support to me cannot be expressed in writing alone. The bond which i shared with my father was just like any father-daughter bonding, but that bond has been so strong, that I think everything else in life fades away even in its memory. My father taught me to live life, he taught me to learn from his mistakes and he taught me to take life head on. "Do what pleases you, you live life only once" was his oft repeated words. And he lived by example. He was a smoker, and any attempt to stop him, he would reprimand me "I know this is a vice. But i just cant give it up. If by stopping smoking, i would live to be 75, and by smoking i should die at 68, so be it, i prefer the latter. At least i would die in peace that i have no regrets" And he welcomed death at 68 - the medical reasons did not attribute it to his smoking. And only i know that he lived his thoughts too. he just did not preach, but be practiced till his last breath.
When he was in a critical condition, deep in my mind I knew that his time has come to leave me. I hoped against hope that he will continue to live with me, but i did not want him to live in any kind of pain or discomfort. I understood death was inevitable to any human being. I prayed to the Lord, from the bottom of my heart - "God, if you have destined him to live without pain and discomfort, let him come out of this condition, else let him rest in peace in your lotus feet" God answered my prayers and made him an angel. My prayers were answered. I performed the last rites for my dad, with no tears in my eyes. My relatives and friends were perplexed. I comforted them that my dad does not like me to cry, so i am his brave daughter. The rites and rituals performed, i prayed again that my dad's soul should rest in peace and all his sins, if any, forgiven.
But at that time little did i realise, that was not the end of grief for me. It was only the beginning. How much i miss him now, cannot be expressed in words. From the time i wake up in the morning till i retire for the day, from my dressing to office or parties to what I eat, from my social friends to my acquaintances - my dad heard me all. He emptied me in a manner, that for each new day i was a clean board. History of my life was in memory to keep the learning's, but each day i lived in the present as a present. The corner of the board was my plan for the future, my dashboard. Now i need to do it in memory only. He made it a habit, and not it is part of me. He is not there in person, but his loving hand is there guiding me and pushing me to the next level.
The loss is physical. My prayers answered on his death bed is no longer a thing to rejoice - especially when i am depressed and he is not there to comfort me. So there is my next prayer - "God when am i going to be next - as soon as possible cos this lack of physical bonding is unbearable and this time please Lord, it should be with my soul too - cos she cannot live without me". My friends refrain me from such prayers as i have my son to raise. But God is the all provider. He has guided me for a year now without my father, he will guide my son through without his mother. And maybe my son too will have his own perception of Death and Bonding !!
Every being born on this earth, has to die. That is the ultimate truth of life. - I understand the profound philosophy of this truth. I know I have to face this for all my near and dear ones and for myself too. With all my life's trials and tribulations - I too have my fears. Through my tough times, I never feared of my death - the thought is hilarious to me. So what if I die ? I don't know. Do I care about the effects my death would have - maybe not, maybe yes. But let me talk about my deepest and profound fears - I only fear death - for it may snatch away the two most important human beings of my life - my life givers - my parents - my mother and father.
My father - His loss is what makes me pour out my thoughts here. As much as i think i am part of my mother's soul - my father has been my guide and protector. He has been there for me since i was born- my provider - my backbone of life. His support to me cannot be expressed in writing alone. The bond which i shared with my father was just like any father-daughter bonding, but that bond has been so strong, that I think everything else in life fades away even in its memory. My father taught me to live life, he taught me to learn from his mistakes and he taught me to take life head on. "Do what pleases you, you live life only once" was his oft repeated words. And he lived by example. He was a smoker, and any attempt to stop him, he would reprimand me "I know this is a vice. But i just cant give it up. If by stopping smoking, i would live to be 75, and by smoking i should die at 68, so be it, i prefer the latter. At least i would die in peace that i have no regrets" And he welcomed death at 68 - the medical reasons did not attribute it to his smoking. And only i know that he lived his thoughts too. he just did not preach, but be practiced till his last breath.
When he was in a critical condition, deep in my mind I knew that his time has come to leave me. I hoped against hope that he will continue to live with me, but i did not want him to live in any kind of pain or discomfort. I understood death was inevitable to any human being. I prayed to the Lord, from the bottom of my heart - "God, if you have destined him to live without pain and discomfort, let him come out of this condition, else let him rest in peace in your lotus feet" God answered my prayers and made him an angel. My prayers were answered. I performed the last rites for my dad, with no tears in my eyes. My relatives and friends were perplexed. I comforted them that my dad does not like me to cry, so i am his brave daughter. The rites and rituals performed, i prayed again that my dad's soul should rest in peace and all his sins, if any, forgiven.
But at that time little did i realise, that was not the end of grief for me. It was only the beginning. How much i miss him now, cannot be expressed in words. From the time i wake up in the morning till i retire for the day, from my dressing to office or parties to what I eat, from my social friends to my acquaintances - my dad heard me all. He emptied me in a manner, that for each new day i was a clean board. History of my life was in memory to keep the learning's, but each day i lived in the present as a present. The corner of the board was my plan for the future, my dashboard. Now i need to do it in memory only. He made it a habit, and not it is part of me. He is not there in person, but his loving hand is there guiding me and pushing me to the next level.
The loss is physical. My prayers answered on his death bed is no longer a thing to rejoice - especially when i am depressed and he is not there to comfort me. So there is my next prayer - "God when am i going to be next - as soon as possible cos this lack of physical bonding is unbearable and this time please Lord, it should be with my soul too - cos she cannot live without me". My friends refrain me from such prayers as i have my son to raise. But God is the all provider. He has guided me for a year now without my father, he will guide my son through without his mother. And maybe my son too will have his own perception of Death and Bonding !!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Success - A Perspective
The Lord gave us two ends - one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
- Ann Landers
One of my favorite quotes,which has seen me through the ups and downs of life.... the choice is in my hands. Fate and Destiny are powerful terms and unknown, uncomprehensible by the common man. Fear of the unknown is one which eats into our very soul. So I know that I have to choice to sit and brood over my fate or think about "What Next". This phrase was my dad's driving force for me to plan and execute my next actions, be it in my professional life or my personal life. When overwhelmed with problems I would sit and cry. But will my tears change the situation or the person whom I want to change. Most often the answer would be no. In such a scenarious, why am I wasting my precious tears. So i would start worrying coz I should not cry.... But Worry is like a rocking chair.... it keeps you busy but takes you no where... So "WHAT NEXT ?" I have to do something to get out of my troubles. look at Plan B, if not Plan C and somewhere there are solutions. The path is tough, but there is a solution... and life moves on..
And so i always knew how to attempt for Success - which end to chose ? the one to sit on or the one to think with ?
- Ann Landers
One of my favorite quotes,which has seen me through the ups and downs of life.... the choice is in my hands. Fate and Destiny are powerful terms and unknown, uncomprehensible by the common man. Fear of the unknown is one which eats into our very soul. So I know that I have to choice to sit and brood over my fate or think about "What Next". This phrase was my dad's driving force for me to plan and execute my next actions, be it in my professional life or my personal life. When overwhelmed with problems I would sit and cry. But will my tears change the situation or the person whom I want to change. Most often the answer would be no. In such a scenarious, why am I wasting my precious tears. So i would start worrying coz I should not cry.... But Worry is like a rocking chair.... it keeps you busy but takes you no where... So "WHAT NEXT ?" I have to do something to get out of my troubles. look at Plan B, if not Plan C and somewhere there are solutions. The path is tough, but there is a solution... and life moves on..
And so i always knew how to attempt for Success - which end to chose ? the one to sit on or the one to think with ?
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