Many a time I wondered when people around me said that "So-n-So had this big impact in my life" - How can one person have an impact on my ideologies, values, my past present and future ? Are these not what we define for ourselves. Am I not in control of my life - my actions, my attitudes, my success or failure ??
Till recently i was closed to the fact that someone can have an impact in my life. I was so full of myself and I was in absolute control of my life.... And then the journey of life got me into a deep valley - where personal life, work, health were taking its turn to reach its lowest ebb and I hit upon a ray of light in a friend who was by my side and saw me driving through this valley. With words of encouragement and support, this friend helped me find answers to my woes, and helped me rebuild my strength in preparation to scale the highs.... A friend indeed !! I am short of words which can express my gratitude ....
And probably my actions made my friend uncomfortable on continuing through this journey... Alas what did i do ? One friend has this impact in my life - and I refuse to share the special place of this friend - and this appears to be binding ?? A matter of perspective... And i am given time to refrain from this friendship - lest it turn out to be more special ?? Its like being banned from my freedom to chose my friends and the relationship i share with them.. This ban is a binding on my personal space. How could I allow an intrusion in my space... Again i have been so engrossed in firming up a friendship that i allowed my personal space to be constrained. Will such a constrain build or break this relationship ?? Too many contradicting thoughts - and then I remember the words of wisdom "let go".
As much as i value Friendship - which is a keep for lifetime, I also value my space. I needed a catalyst to help me free from my binding thoughts and I also value the friend who helped me realised this. Now i realise the profound statement "So-n-so did have an impact in my life"....
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Health - Greatest Asset bestowed
Someone in the past once reminded me that Wealth is lost something is lost - but if Health is lost - All is lost !!
The profoundity of the statement dawned on me in the recent couple of days. I believed in it when it came to my near and dear ones around me - I just thought i was way above it. But when the stomach infection hit me back and had me sick all over - I was stubborn that my system will in its natural course recover and return me to normalcy !! Alas - I was wrong since the virus insisted on strict measures and being hospitalised is no mean experience with the nurses trying to find veins for the IV fluids and not finding the right entry !! OOPS - the most physically painful experience till date !! Thank God for small mercies and my attending doctor relented to my requests and i came along home singing that i got away - but Mr. Virus had me weak and dancing to its tunes - weak and drained and craving for some good food other that all the semi-solid porridge's.
Health is important - i need to focus on my diet and my woes will vanish !! Being the foodie i am - just need to change my perspectives and my Expectations. After all - Health is Wealth !!
The profoundity of the statement dawned on me in the recent couple of days. I believed in it when it came to my near and dear ones around me - I just thought i was way above it. But when the stomach infection hit me back and had me sick all over - I was stubborn that my system will in its natural course recover and return me to normalcy !! Alas - I was wrong since the virus insisted on strict measures and being hospitalised is no mean experience with the nurses trying to find veins for the IV fluids and not finding the right entry !! OOPS - the most physically painful experience till date !! Thank God for small mercies and my attending doctor relented to my requests and i came along home singing that i got away - but Mr. Virus had me weak and dancing to its tunes - weak and drained and craving for some good food other that all the semi-solid porridge's.
Health is important - i need to focus on my diet and my woes will vanish !! Being the foodie i am - just need to change my perspectives and my Expectations. After all - Health is Wealth !!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Memories....
People love to create memories and then afraid they have created an indelible mark.
One man's gain is an other's loss - maybe - fear of the how and where it is going to be used... fear or tying one down. There is nothing right or wrong about the fear than the fear itself isn't it ? I feared to create some good memories - cos i was more bothered about the logistics of creating rather than the experience. Looking back i do regret - i did not create the great memories that i was capable of creating - be it at work or personal life !! So i really have nothing to reminisce !!
NO ! but i don't regret it - cos that would be measuring by someone else's yardstick !!
So what do i have now ... some very obvious memories which some people will remember me by.. some very dark secrets which is privy to me and i cannot share with anyone ... not even the soul which initiated it... so what am i talking about ? I am reminding myself to let go - allow the cosmos to absorb me as the soul - remove the man-made inhibitions - in the process i may appear selfish to some - selfless to some - but that is not the purpose of my existence... others perceptions and hence their memories about me !!
It is about give myself in all its entirety to the world created around me - my mom, my son, my career, and the numerous relationships i have entered into by choice - do my best and leave the rest to MEMORIES !!
One man's gain is an other's loss - maybe - fear of the how and where it is going to be used... fear or tying one down. There is nothing right or wrong about the fear than the fear itself isn't it ? I feared to create some good memories - cos i was more bothered about the logistics of creating rather than the experience. Looking back i do regret - i did not create the great memories that i was capable of creating - be it at work or personal life !! So i really have nothing to reminisce !!
NO ! but i don't regret it - cos that would be measuring by someone else's yardstick !!
So what do i have now ... some very obvious memories which some people will remember me by.. some very dark secrets which is privy to me and i cannot share with anyone ... not even the soul which initiated it... so what am i talking about ? I am reminding myself to let go - allow the cosmos to absorb me as the soul - remove the man-made inhibitions - in the process i may appear selfish to some - selfless to some - but that is not the purpose of my existence... others perceptions and hence their memories about me !!
It is about give myself in all its entirety to the world created around me - my mom, my son, my career, and the numerous relationships i have entered into by choice - do my best and leave the rest to MEMORIES !!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Double Edged Sword
How many times in life - have I been given an opportunity, an avenue to decide on the path, the destination ?? And the irony is every time this has been a double edged sword !! Whichever path I chose, I am the absolute winner or the absolute loser. Ain't that a wonderful situation to be in ??
So what are my learning's from these choices ? That I have taken responsibility of my actions and my choices. I have taken a risk, worked hard on it and I own the results. There are multiple occasions - where I have been the loser ..... but looking back they were learning's to make me a little wee stronger. Was not that a half glass full of water and i knew i had to add to add more water - if wanted a full glass of water. And sometimes when i did win, it gave me a new ray in a despondent life.
So does a double-edged sword exist - maybe not - It is just a idiom to reiterate to myself that i am responsible for my choices. Why am i talking about it now ? I have more than one double-edged sword hanging on my head - and i am sure much later in life this blog will remind me of the choices i have made !!
So what are my learning's from these choices ? That I have taken responsibility of my actions and my choices. I have taken a risk, worked hard on it and I own the results. There are multiple occasions - where I have been the loser ..... but looking back they were learning's to make me a little wee stronger. Was not that a half glass full of water and i knew i had to add to add more water - if wanted a full glass of water. And sometimes when i did win, it gave me a new ray in a despondent life.
So does a double-edged sword exist - maybe not - It is just a idiom to reiterate to myself that i am responsible for my choices. Why am i talking about it now ? I have more than one double-edged sword hanging on my head - and i am sure much later in life this blog will remind me of the choices i have made !!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Driving All ______ :-))
"I love driving !!" This statement of mince evinces queer looks by all. I enjoy every drive - be it to the workplace or to any destination. Ajith announced his wedding four weeks back - and it set my mind racing - here is another opportunity I get : to drive to Coimbatore on the "that" highway. But just Kovai was boring !! So in my mind I plan for the route Bangalore - Ooty - Coimbatore - Bangalore !! I made my plans known to Ajith - and he spread the good word that I will be attending the wedding. The only risk folks need to take is to trust me behind the wheel. Roger was the first to be game for this plan and i was determined to make this trip. Sheela got wind of my plans and was all set to join me. Anand was unsure and was 90% sure till 2 days before the journey. Rattan was game and with the only doubt - Sunita driving ??? 90% only !!
As the date was approaching - Rattan with his love for the jungles brought about a small change in the itinerary that we should probably do a jungle safari enroute - and very graciously did the bookings for us at Jungle Hut http://www.junglehut.in/index1.html. Mails went back and forth and by Thursday 20-nov we had all confirmed on the logistics.
Friday 12 Noon - was the decided time we would leave Hallmark - But IST is so common here Roger and Rattan !! So here we were a group of 5 - we don't even know each other well types - leaving Hallmark at 2 pm. Just as we entered the Mysore Highway - we needed to take a bio-break stop and "ToLet" signs were read otherwise. After a good shot of caffeine at Barista we hit the road - but the weekend traffic was not what i anticipated so with a couple of more breaks we reached Mysore @ 6 pm. We were well on the road to Ooty and after Gundalpet - there was no road. In the dark and wilderness it was the most uninteresting drive and i sure did have doubts on proceeding. But the team was such a darling - they had only words of encouragement !! We knew we were driving in the jungle - twas dark and the road ahead of us led to our destination and that was all we could see. And we finally reached Jungle Inn oops Jungle Hut by 9.30 pm after innumerable calls to Vikram and Anushree. Checked in and we were all over the piping hot dinner buffet spread. Plans for the next day was not the only conversation over the dinner - but was the first bonding time for all of us !! We retired for the night amidst the sounds of cricket outside and the lizards talking to us in the rooms. Not to mention good souls sms'ng me at 1 am to check on my well being - and then giving me a sleepless night - was a welcome icing on the cake !!
Despite denial of a wake-up call we were up by 5 am to get ready for the jungle safari. Reached the tourism counter by 6.30 am to find it would open by 7 am and there were 150 students waiting ahead of us to do the safari. And so we finally got our turn by 8 am and we were dead sure that we would not get to see any animals inside the jungle. But how can the animals not have our darshan and so we did see the regulars there - Anand has a count on the animals we saw. Rattan and Anand got a renewed high in catching glimpses of all our visitors :-) A good hours drive and we returned to the starting point - the jungle hut - of course with numerous pictures taken all along the path. We had breakfast - reached out to all our beloveds in the intermittent packets of signals - refreshed and all set to go to Ooty !!
I chose to drive the Kalahatty route - 36 hair pin bends to reach Ooty 33 Kms away - the short cut - the steep route - it is any drivers kick to do this route - Wow I enjoyed every inch of drive - But i cant be sure of my co-travellers on the same :-( We reached Ooty and headed to Presidency Club where i had made reservations. I was quite shocked by the unpreparedness of the KSCA affiliate - but i had my Plan B in place with the help of Vinod and also Plan C put in motion. On his bookings we landed at Silver Oak - a decent place. The cottage was good but not accomodative - the rooms were pretty good !! Sheela ordered for some nice south Indian Thali and by the time we refreshed our lunch was ready. We lunched and headed out to the Ooty lake for some boating. As we approached the site - we realised we were in biting cold and we were not equipped. Some quick purchases ensured all of us were warm. Rattan chose to pedal the boat on the Lake and Roger was his willing partner. As they set out boating - Sheela and me had to have some hot corn on the cob and Anand watched us nibble away with a bottle of water in tow.
In all the excitement of travel - we still had some shopping to do and we headed to Cherring Cross. First we headed for a cuppa and then some home made chocolates - some bargain shopping and then again for a light dinner in the biting cold. It was a long day and we wanted to catch some sleep - but twas very cold and there were no heaters available :-( What a place ??
The next morning after a late breakfast we head towards Coonoor with some grandiose plans of visiting the tea factory - but due to time constraints - we realigned our objective of outing was attending Ajith's wedding ceremonies - we headed straight to Kovai. And we did reach Kovai on time for his engagement in the afternoon - Anand was openly aghast at my driving skills skipping red lights in Kovai and vehicles honking us out of their way and the rest of my fellow travellers were sure thinking - "Whatever - just reach us to our destination !!"
Sheela and me needed a quick makeover to traditional attire from the travellers outlook. After the engagement, initial pleasantries with bride, groom and their families - we headed to Jenny's club - checked in and Anand, Sheela and me hired a cab and went straight out for the final shopping. We had a pretty decent bargain shopping - but surely Roger was not happy with our timings of return. By the time all of us were ready to enter the reception hall - Ajith already was calling us - lest we miss the reception !! All the pictures of the reception are not to be missed at this site : http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=258054758/a=154542622_154542622/t_=154542622
The Carnatic music recital was something which i enjoyed thoroughly before we went for dinner. The dinner spread was too good and we did have a great time. It was 10 pm and Sheela - "the Mom" announced we had to get back to the club house to retire !! We did return to the club house taking our own sweet time and definitely watched the last over of the India-England match at the Bar lounge.
The next morning we had to be in the wedding hall by 730 hrs and for a change we made it on time. It was fun watching all the wedding rituals - memories are all captured and we were ready to head back to Bangalore by 11 am. After a lot of haggling on fitting all our bargained goodies in the small big car - we finally left Kovai by noon. The route given to us by Ramesh was fantastic as promised. Well laid roads with the least traffic - hats off to guide us well. 345 kms in 8 hrs with 5 breaks of 15 mins each goes a long way to talk about the route !! Reached Bangalore with memories of "Wow !! I really drove all my friends ________ "
Thank you folks for making this one of the most pleasurable drives. I am raring to do a Delhi trip by Road ... Any takers ??
As the date was approaching - Rattan with his love for the jungles brought about a small change in the itinerary that we should probably do a jungle safari enroute - and very graciously did the bookings for us at Jungle Hut http://www.junglehut.in/index1.html. Mails went back and forth and by Thursday 20-nov we had all confirmed on the logistics.
Friday 12 Noon - was the decided time we would leave Hallmark - But IST is so common here Roger and Rattan !! So here we were a group of 5 - we don't even know each other well types - leaving Hallmark at 2 pm. Just as we entered the Mysore Highway - we needed to take a bio-break stop and "ToLet" signs were read otherwise. After a good shot of caffeine at Barista we hit the road - but the weekend traffic was not what i anticipated so with a couple of more breaks we reached Mysore @ 6 pm. We were well on the road to Ooty and after Gundalpet - there was no road. In the dark and wilderness it was the most uninteresting drive and i sure did have doubts on proceeding. But the team was such a darling - they had only words of encouragement !! We knew we were driving in the jungle - twas dark and the road ahead of us led to our destination and that was all we could see. And we finally reached Jungle Inn oops Jungle Hut by 9.30 pm after innumerable calls to Vikram and Anushree. Checked in and we were all over the piping hot dinner buffet spread. Plans for the next day was not the only conversation over the dinner - but was the first bonding time for all of us !! We retired for the night amidst the sounds of cricket outside and the lizards talking to us in the rooms. Not to mention good souls sms'ng me at 1 am to check on my well being - and then giving me a sleepless night - was a welcome icing on the cake !!
Despite denial of a wake-up call we were up by 5 am to get ready for the jungle safari. Reached the tourism counter by 6.30 am to find it would open by 7 am and there were 150 students waiting ahead of us to do the safari. And so we finally got our turn by 8 am and we were dead sure that we would not get to see any animals inside the jungle. But how can the animals not have our darshan and so we did see the regulars there - Anand has a count on the animals we saw. Rattan and Anand got a renewed high in catching glimpses of all our visitors :-) A good hours drive and we returned to the starting point - the jungle hut - of course with numerous pictures taken all along the path. We had breakfast - reached out to all our beloveds in the intermittent packets of signals - refreshed and all set to go to Ooty !!
I chose to drive the Kalahatty route - 36 hair pin bends to reach Ooty 33 Kms away - the short cut - the steep route - it is any drivers kick to do this route - Wow I enjoyed every inch of drive - But i cant be sure of my co-travellers on the same :-( We reached Ooty and headed to Presidency Club where i had made reservations. I was quite shocked by the unpreparedness of the KSCA affiliate - but i had my Plan B in place with the help of Vinod and also Plan C put in motion. On his bookings we landed at Silver Oak - a decent place. The cottage was good but not accomodative - the rooms were pretty good !! Sheela ordered for some nice south Indian Thali and by the time we refreshed our lunch was ready. We lunched and headed out to the Ooty lake for some boating. As we approached the site - we realised we were in biting cold and we were not equipped. Some quick purchases ensured all of us were warm. Rattan chose to pedal the boat on the Lake and Roger was his willing partner. As they set out boating - Sheela and me had to have some hot corn on the cob and Anand watched us nibble away with a bottle of water in tow.
In all the excitement of travel - we still had some shopping to do and we headed to Cherring Cross. First we headed for a cuppa and then some home made chocolates - some bargain shopping and then again for a light dinner in the biting cold. It was a long day and we wanted to catch some sleep - but twas very cold and there were no heaters available :-( What a place ??
The next morning after a late breakfast we head towards Coonoor with some grandiose plans of visiting the tea factory - but due to time constraints - we realigned our objective of outing was attending Ajith's wedding ceremonies - we headed straight to Kovai. And we did reach Kovai on time for his engagement in the afternoon - Anand was openly aghast at my driving skills skipping red lights in Kovai and vehicles honking us out of their way and the rest of my fellow travellers were sure thinking - "Whatever - just reach us to our destination !!"
Sheela and me needed a quick makeover to traditional attire from the travellers outlook. After the engagement, initial pleasantries with bride, groom and their families - we headed to Jenny's club - checked in and Anand, Sheela and me hired a cab and went straight out for the final shopping. We had a pretty decent bargain shopping - but surely Roger was not happy with our timings of return. By the time all of us were ready to enter the reception hall - Ajith already was calling us - lest we miss the reception !! All the pictures of the reception are not to be missed at this site : http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=258054758/a=154542622_154542622/t_=154542622
The Carnatic music recital was something which i enjoyed thoroughly before we went for dinner. The dinner spread was too good and we did have a great time. It was 10 pm and Sheela - "the Mom" announced we had to get back to the club house to retire !! We did return to the club house taking our own sweet time and definitely watched the last over of the India-England match at the Bar lounge.
The next morning we had to be in the wedding hall by 730 hrs and for a change we made it on time. It was fun watching all the wedding rituals - memories are all captured and we were ready to head back to Bangalore by 11 am. After a lot of haggling on fitting all our bargained goodies in the small big car - we finally left Kovai by noon. The route given to us by Ramesh was fantastic as promised. Well laid roads with the least traffic - hats off to guide us well. 345 kms in 8 hrs with 5 breaks of 15 mins each goes a long way to talk about the route !! Reached Bangalore with memories of "Wow !! I really drove all my friends ________ "
Thank you folks for making this one of the most pleasurable drives. I am raring to do a Delhi trip by Road ... Any takers ??
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Missing You !!
How often have we said this ? How often we have heard this ?
A phrase of 2 words but very powerful if understood !!
Missing someone you love - can be comprehended if you you have ever gone through pangs of separation. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling of desperation, a sense of longing - emptiness all around - a myriad of emotions choking your very breath of life !! Is it fair to go through all this - maybe yes - it is a healing process : maybe no - just drop a line thru a mail, call or do something to get together. But life is not black and white. In some cases, it goes beyond.
It is not easy to live through this yearning. Missing you is easier said than living through, but .......
A phrase of 2 words but very powerful if understood !!
Missing someone you love - can be comprehended if you you have ever gone through pangs of separation. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling of desperation, a sense of longing - emptiness all around - a myriad of emotions choking your very breath of life !! Is it fair to go through all this - maybe yes - it is a healing process : maybe no - just drop a line thru a mail, call or do something to get together. But life is not black and white. In some cases, it goes beyond.
It is not easy to live through this yearning. Missing you is easier said than living through, but .......
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Decisions
A report of a conclusion !!
The definition is so profound - yet people all around me want me to rethink about my decision. To assert that their thinking is right and I don't have a capability to think ?? Of course with all good intention - I am sermonised - but God Bless me - he has given me the prowess to think too !!
When I have made a decision - I own its consequences. There is no blame game here. So why don't people allow me to decide ?? I could extend the same to - do I allow my near and dear ones to decide ?????????????? I have to advice them - make them see the logic and the pragmatism - don't I know that the Almighty has given them the thinking prowess too.... but when I do so -- I am brushed aside because I am naive and do not understand. Such is the dichotomy of life ....
My decision will pain the dear ones in the near term. But I sincerely hope it will also bring them immense happiness in the years to come - as it will surely to me. I have a conscience to live with - be it as an interference - a person who steals away some one's precious little treasure cove or be it as a recluse - a person who denies companionship for eternity to self and others. So my decision is made. Quite unthinkable a few hours ago - but there to stay for a lifetime !!
So does that stop me from taking plunge ... it is a choice i need to make ..... A decision - a report of conclusions I have to take !!
The definition is so profound - yet people all around me want me to rethink about my decision. To assert that their thinking is right and I don't have a capability to think ?? Of course with all good intention - I am sermonised - but God Bless me - he has given me the prowess to think too !!
When I have made a decision - I own its consequences. There is no blame game here. So why don't people allow me to decide ?? I could extend the same to - do I allow my near and dear ones to decide ?????????????? I have to advice them - make them see the logic and the pragmatism - don't I know that the Almighty has given them the thinking prowess too.... but when I do so -- I am brushed aside because I am naive and do not understand. Such is the dichotomy of life ....
My decision will pain the dear ones in the near term. But I sincerely hope it will also bring them immense happiness in the years to come - as it will surely to me. I have a conscience to live with - be it as an interference - a person who steals away some one's precious little treasure cove or be it as a recluse - a person who denies companionship for eternity to self and others. So my decision is made. Quite unthinkable a few hours ago - but there to stay for a lifetime !!
So does that stop me from taking plunge ... it is a choice i need to make ..... A decision - a report of conclusions I have to take !!
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