Can a simple mail - bring joy ? I dont know if it is a lasting emotion - but at the moment the over-whelming happiness is beyond all reasoning.
I am feeling happy now and the present is important. Will this happiness last - i dunno, and i dont care about it...
What is important is there is a mail - there is a thought that someone thinks about me still. That is a wonderful feeling for me right now.
Instead of having myriad of questions and thought on the why, how long, how come, am i be simple enough to live with this present. I think so !! Thank you for making my day is all I have to say now :-)
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Good-Bye ???
Yes, This is not last of my blogs, rather a new beginning... The questions say it all.
I have understood the power of letting go !! It was hard to internalise that i need to let go. But i had to do it for my own good. The gnawing feeling, the impatient wait of every phone ring, the quick check if it was an sms i was waiting for - all of them had to stop !! And how can i do it ??
I need to talk to express what i feel, but there is not a soul who can hear me without being judgemental about it. And i don't want to feel bad about the past... It was good while it lasted. It is just that all good things come to an end and i have to accept it. Letting go through a mail is rude, and i hope i had other choices. Would it have been better if i had just showed up at the doorstep and demanded an explanation for the rejection ? That is the most stupidest act i could have indulged in and jeopardised everyone's reputation at stake. Should i have called to know what is happening ? Too much of concern in the name of ego....naaah .... cant let that happen. So the only option i had was to send an email and having done that.... Have i really let go ??
Time and distance are the best healers, i am told and believe it... Hope it works its miracle on me again !!
I have understood the power of letting go !! It was hard to internalise that i need to let go. But i had to do it for my own good. The gnawing feeling, the impatient wait of every phone ring, the quick check if it was an sms i was waiting for - all of them had to stop !! And how can i do it ??
I need to talk to express what i feel, but there is not a soul who can hear me without being judgemental about it. And i don't want to feel bad about the past... It was good while it lasted. It is just that all good things come to an end and i have to accept it. Letting go through a mail is rude, and i hope i had other choices. Would it have been better if i had just showed up at the doorstep and demanded an explanation for the rejection ? That is the most stupidest act i could have indulged in and jeopardised everyone's reputation at stake. Should i have called to know what is happening ? Too much of concern in the name of ego....naaah .... cant let that happen. So the only option i had was to send an email and having done that.... Have i really let go ??
Time and distance are the best healers, i am told and believe it... Hope it works its miracle on me again !!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Outer Success
Does a relationship continue cos your successful ?
Here I am talking about those relationships like that of first circle of family - like aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - of the head and the heart.
And what I mean by outer success is your job, your bank balance, your visible lifestyle....
So does outer success have an impact on the relationship. Most often my experience has been a big YES as far as the family circle is concerned.
And I never felt, I had to question the impact as far as friends are concerned. But in the current phase of life - I begin to wonder... did my employment status impact the friendship... Have i gone wrong somewhere where i may have lost on some precious friends of the heart. I sincerely hope not... I love my friends and hate to lose them. But a big BUT.... when i need my friends the most at this hour... what has created this distance - that they have lost their little time for me ?
It pains and I am not able to reason it out. I value Friendship as the best relationship i have had and every person as a friend has left a mark in my life. We may not be in constant touch - but they have moved my life in a way which can be attributed only to them - do they know that ? I don't know - but i will be indebted to them for life.
Does outer success have an impact on the delicate fabric of friendship ? Any answers ??
Here I am talking about those relationships like that of first circle of family - like aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - of the head and the heart.
And what I mean by outer success is your job, your bank balance, your visible lifestyle....
So does outer success have an impact on the relationship. Most often my experience has been a big YES as far as the family circle is concerned.
And I never felt, I had to question the impact as far as friends are concerned. But in the current phase of life - I begin to wonder... did my employment status impact the friendship... Have i gone wrong somewhere where i may have lost on some precious friends of the heart. I sincerely hope not... I love my friends and hate to lose them. But a big BUT.... when i need my friends the most at this hour... what has created this distance - that they have lost their little time for me ?
It pains and I am not able to reason it out. I value Friendship as the best relationship i have had and every person as a friend has left a mark in my life. We may not be in constant touch - but they have moved my life in a way which can be attributed only to them - do they know that ? I don't know - but i will be indebted to them for life.
Does outer success have an impact on the delicate fabric of friendship ? Any answers ??
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A New Ending....
Wanted to try something different... and I thought, I always make a new beginning in various aspects of life... why not try to predict a new end and start backward ?
I have been off the traditional path in more ways than one.. surprises you ? For some it may, for some it may not.... and when I talk about an ending, I am sure I can imagine a few raised eyebrows :-)
I would like to end some top of the mind cliches... For one I am going to stop being available as a doormat.... when you feel there is dirt on your heels, something cozy to clean yourself.... I am going to stop feeling guilty for drawing attention to self... I am worth what I am and if I am drawing attention, it is to those who wanna be drawn :-) So easy to type out thoughts than implement them, but at least this is a humble end to the agony of the self !!
I have been off the traditional path in more ways than one.. surprises you ? For some it may, for some it may not.... and when I talk about an ending, I am sure I can imagine a few raised eyebrows :-)
I would like to end some top of the mind cliches... For one I am going to stop being available as a doormat.... when you feel there is dirt on your heels, something cozy to clean yourself.... I am going to stop feeling guilty for drawing attention to self... I am worth what I am and if I am drawing attention, it is to those who wanna be drawn :-) So easy to type out thoughts than implement them, but at least this is a humble end to the agony of the self !!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
No Strings Attached
A phrase so cliche - I wonder if we understand the meaning when we ask or commit to this.
A clever ploy to get non-committal and hideous enough to moralise our acts. And everyone involved is party to it. But the fact remains that we are social beings. By the pedigree of the race as much as we are scared to commit - we need to be associated, we need to be linked, we need to be that someone special - yet we do not want the strings.
As a phrase, its easy to draw an analogy with the Kite without strings. As it soars in the air, high up in the sky, it goes with the wind. A beautiful kite - carefree and takes directions as the wind would take it. And when there is no gust, it rests and takes off at the next brush of air and keeps afloat... Wow what a wonderful feeling to be like that kite.... but alas !! When the kite rests on a sticky surface or not able to take off cos it was put in a wrong landing place --- since there was no wind ---- the life of the kite is over.... And sometimes we do come across people and situations where it is a path of no return....
As much as we would like to be the Kite with no strings attached, the reality is we need the connection - the emotional connect, the intellectual connect and so on... Yet we are afraid to commit or shy away from the commitment... We think we are free, but the more we connect - we are bonded and struggle with the dichotomy of emotions... And in this struggle - the light dawns !!
I am not a kite !! I am human - it is all right for me to feel what i feel and this moment is passe - the reality is the present - the life around me and their perceptions about me will guide the rest of my living. I chose to soar high - but that's in my mind and privy to me. Hence "No Strings Attached"- my mind soars to the unreachable stars :-)
A clever ploy to get non-committal and hideous enough to moralise our acts. And everyone involved is party to it. But the fact remains that we are social beings. By the pedigree of the race as much as we are scared to commit - we need to be associated, we need to be linked, we need to be that someone special - yet we do not want the strings.
As a phrase, its easy to draw an analogy with the Kite without strings. As it soars in the air, high up in the sky, it goes with the wind. A beautiful kite - carefree and takes directions as the wind would take it. And when there is no gust, it rests and takes off at the next brush of air and keeps afloat... Wow what a wonderful feeling to be like that kite.... but alas !! When the kite rests on a sticky surface or not able to take off cos it was put in a wrong landing place --- since there was no wind ---- the life of the kite is over.... And sometimes we do come across people and situations where it is a path of no return....
As much as we would like to be the Kite with no strings attached, the reality is we need the connection - the emotional connect, the intellectual connect and so on... Yet we are afraid to commit or shy away from the commitment... We think we are free, but the more we connect - we are bonded and struggle with the dichotomy of emotions... And in this struggle - the light dawns !!
I am not a kite !! I am human - it is all right for me to feel what i feel and this moment is passe - the reality is the present - the life around me and their perceptions about me will guide the rest of my living. I chose to soar high - but that's in my mind and privy to me. Hence "No Strings Attached"- my mind soars to the unreachable stars :-)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Voice - a powerful personality trait
How many times have we heard a person first and created a mental image of that person ?
The rich baritone of a voice mesmerises the heart... In the churches, the pastors are trained to reach out to the masses with their voice and their diction so that the message of God touches the very soul...
Those who do not visit churches take solace in the divine renditions of some of the great vocalists. In addition to the language of the lyrics - the deep inner meaning - the rendition - the voice is what connects to the Supreme. And I would extend the same and as much as most of us don't admit it or take it for granted, the voice does play an important role in a personality definition !!
And I unashamedly admit - the voice is as important an attribute when I build relationships... Cultivating the tone, the undertones, the accent as a trait and eventually making it a part of the persona is the detailing of a personality description and such people are definitely on the high list of people I seek !!
The rich baritone of a voice mesmerises the heart... In the churches, the pastors are trained to reach out to the masses with their voice and their diction so that the message of God touches the very soul...
Those who do not visit churches take solace in the divine renditions of some of the great vocalists. In addition to the language of the lyrics - the deep inner meaning - the rendition - the voice is what connects to the Supreme. And I would extend the same and as much as most of us don't admit it or take it for granted, the voice does play an important role in a personality definition !!
And I unashamedly admit - the voice is as important an attribute when I build relationships... Cultivating the tone, the undertones, the accent as a trait and eventually making it a part of the persona is the detailing of a personality description and such people are definitely on the high list of people I seek !!
Different Facets
Multiple Personality is something which not all of us accept that we possess. "Tell me your dreams" authored by Sidney Sheldon was the first time I was exposed to the disorder of Multiple Personality and the movie "Anniyan" was a brilliant depiction of this disorder in true desi style...
This set me thinking and re-thinking on the hypocrisy of life and when does one draw a line... A myriad of thoughts on what one thinks, talks and actually does in life - easily brushed aside that it is the call of the role - daughter/sister/wife/mother/aunty/grandmom or son/brother/husband/uncle/grand-dad or the employee/boss/employer relationship.
The roles are different facets of life and in living up to these roles - somewhere deep within the personal realm is lost. We are so sunk in the whirlpool of life that some of us don't realise our personal needs until it is too late while some others do want to satiate their needs and wants, but are caught in the trap of their rules by the different facets of life.... Oh Oh.... Sad but true.... and the extremities of the needs vs the rules may give arise the facets to personalities and when one is not conscious lead to the disorder with possible undesirable consequences.... So what ? Isn't that life ?
When one finds solace beyond the different facets of life - and can let go without an emotional baggage - which we know by powerful word "guilt" - is it wrong ? Is it right ? Varies from person to person - based on the life stage - based on the priorities .... and if one can add this other dimension and be content - Is that not nirvana ?
Different Facets .... yet another facet added !!
This set me thinking and re-thinking on the hypocrisy of life and when does one draw a line... A myriad of thoughts on what one thinks, talks and actually does in life - easily brushed aside that it is the call of the role - daughter/sister/wife/mother/aunty/grandmom or son/brother/husband/uncle/grand-dad or the employee/boss/employer relationship.
The roles are different facets of life and in living up to these roles - somewhere deep within the personal realm is lost. We are so sunk in the whirlpool of life that some of us don't realise our personal needs until it is too late while some others do want to satiate their needs and wants, but are caught in the trap of their rules by the different facets of life.... Oh Oh.... Sad but true.... and the extremities of the needs vs the rules may give arise the facets to personalities and when one is not conscious lead to the disorder with possible undesirable consequences.... So what ? Isn't that life ?
When one finds solace beyond the different facets of life - and can let go without an emotional baggage - which we know by powerful word "guilt" - is it wrong ? Is it right ? Varies from person to person - based on the life stage - based on the priorities .... and if one can add this other dimension and be content - Is that not nirvana ?
Different Facets .... yet another facet added !!
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