Does a relationship continue cos your successful ?
Here I am talking about those relationships like that of first circle of family - like aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - of the head and the heart.
And what I mean by outer success is your job, your bank balance, your visible lifestyle....
So does outer success have an impact on the relationship. Most often my experience has been a big YES as far as the family circle is concerned.
And I never felt, I had to question the impact as far as friends are concerned. But in the current phase of life - I begin to wonder... did my employment status impact the friendship... Have i gone wrong somewhere where i may have lost on some precious friends of the heart. I sincerely hope not... I love my friends and hate to lose them. But a big BUT.... when i need my friends the most at this hour... what has created this distance - that they have lost their little time for me ?
It pains and I am not able to reason it out. I value Friendship as the best relationship i have had and every person as a friend has left a mark in my life. We may not be in constant touch - but they have moved my life in a way which can be attributed only to them - do they know that ? I don't know - but i will be indebted to them for life.
Does outer success have an impact on the delicate fabric of friendship ? Any answers ??
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A New Ending....
Wanted to try something different... and I thought, I always make a new beginning in various aspects of life... why not try to predict a new end and start backward ?
I have been off the traditional path in more ways than one.. surprises you ? For some it may, for some it may not.... and when I talk about an ending, I am sure I can imagine a few raised eyebrows :-)
I would like to end some top of the mind cliches... For one I am going to stop being available as a doormat.... when you feel there is dirt on your heels, something cozy to clean yourself.... I am going to stop feeling guilty for drawing attention to self... I am worth what I am and if I am drawing attention, it is to those who wanna be drawn :-) So easy to type out thoughts than implement them, but at least this is a humble end to the agony of the self !!
I have been off the traditional path in more ways than one.. surprises you ? For some it may, for some it may not.... and when I talk about an ending, I am sure I can imagine a few raised eyebrows :-)
I would like to end some top of the mind cliches... For one I am going to stop being available as a doormat.... when you feel there is dirt on your heels, something cozy to clean yourself.... I am going to stop feeling guilty for drawing attention to self... I am worth what I am and if I am drawing attention, it is to those who wanna be drawn :-) So easy to type out thoughts than implement them, but at least this is a humble end to the agony of the self !!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
No Strings Attached
A phrase so cliche - I wonder if we understand the meaning when we ask or commit to this.
A clever ploy to get non-committal and hideous enough to moralise our acts. And everyone involved is party to it. But the fact remains that we are social beings. By the pedigree of the race as much as we are scared to commit - we need to be associated, we need to be linked, we need to be that someone special - yet we do not want the strings.
As a phrase, its easy to draw an analogy with the Kite without strings. As it soars in the air, high up in the sky, it goes with the wind. A beautiful kite - carefree and takes directions as the wind would take it. And when there is no gust, it rests and takes off at the next brush of air and keeps afloat... Wow what a wonderful feeling to be like that kite.... but alas !! When the kite rests on a sticky surface or not able to take off cos it was put in a wrong landing place --- since there was no wind ---- the life of the kite is over.... And sometimes we do come across people and situations where it is a path of no return....
As much as we would like to be the Kite with no strings attached, the reality is we need the connection - the emotional connect, the intellectual connect and so on... Yet we are afraid to commit or shy away from the commitment... We think we are free, but the more we connect - we are bonded and struggle with the dichotomy of emotions... And in this struggle - the light dawns !!
I am not a kite !! I am human - it is all right for me to feel what i feel and this moment is passe - the reality is the present - the life around me and their perceptions about me will guide the rest of my living. I chose to soar high - but that's in my mind and privy to me. Hence "No Strings Attached"- my mind soars to the unreachable stars :-)
A clever ploy to get non-committal and hideous enough to moralise our acts. And everyone involved is party to it. But the fact remains that we are social beings. By the pedigree of the race as much as we are scared to commit - we need to be associated, we need to be linked, we need to be that someone special - yet we do not want the strings.
As a phrase, its easy to draw an analogy with the Kite without strings. As it soars in the air, high up in the sky, it goes with the wind. A beautiful kite - carefree and takes directions as the wind would take it. And when there is no gust, it rests and takes off at the next brush of air and keeps afloat... Wow what a wonderful feeling to be like that kite.... but alas !! When the kite rests on a sticky surface or not able to take off cos it was put in a wrong landing place --- since there was no wind ---- the life of the kite is over.... And sometimes we do come across people and situations where it is a path of no return....
As much as we would like to be the Kite with no strings attached, the reality is we need the connection - the emotional connect, the intellectual connect and so on... Yet we are afraid to commit or shy away from the commitment... We think we are free, but the more we connect - we are bonded and struggle with the dichotomy of emotions... And in this struggle - the light dawns !!
I am not a kite !! I am human - it is all right for me to feel what i feel and this moment is passe - the reality is the present - the life around me and their perceptions about me will guide the rest of my living. I chose to soar high - but that's in my mind and privy to me. Hence "No Strings Attached"- my mind soars to the unreachable stars :-)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Voice - a powerful personality trait
How many times have we heard a person first and created a mental image of that person ?
The rich baritone of a voice mesmerises the heart... In the churches, the pastors are trained to reach out to the masses with their voice and their diction so that the message of God touches the very soul...
Those who do not visit churches take solace in the divine renditions of some of the great vocalists. In addition to the language of the lyrics - the deep inner meaning - the rendition - the voice is what connects to the Supreme. And I would extend the same and as much as most of us don't admit it or take it for granted, the voice does play an important role in a personality definition !!
And I unashamedly admit - the voice is as important an attribute when I build relationships... Cultivating the tone, the undertones, the accent as a trait and eventually making it a part of the persona is the detailing of a personality description and such people are definitely on the high list of people I seek !!
The rich baritone of a voice mesmerises the heart... In the churches, the pastors are trained to reach out to the masses with their voice and their diction so that the message of God touches the very soul...
Those who do not visit churches take solace in the divine renditions of some of the great vocalists. In addition to the language of the lyrics - the deep inner meaning - the rendition - the voice is what connects to the Supreme. And I would extend the same and as much as most of us don't admit it or take it for granted, the voice does play an important role in a personality definition !!
And I unashamedly admit - the voice is as important an attribute when I build relationships... Cultivating the tone, the undertones, the accent as a trait and eventually making it a part of the persona is the detailing of a personality description and such people are definitely on the high list of people I seek !!
Different Facets
Multiple Personality is something which not all of us accept that we possess. "Tell me your dreams" authored by Sidney Sheldon was the first time I was exposed to the disorder of Multiple Personality and the movie "Anniyan" was a brilliant depiction of this disorder in true desi style...
This set me thinking and re-thinking on the hypocrisy of life and when does one draw a line... A myriad of thoughts on what one thinks, talks and actually does in life - easily brushed aside that it is the call of the role - daughter/sister/wife/mother/aunty/grandmom or son/brother/husband/uncle/grand-dad or the employee/boss/employer relationship.
The roles are different facets of life and in living up to these roles - somewhere deep within the personal realm is lost. We are so sunk in the whirlpool of life that some of us don't realise our personal needs until it is too late while some others do want to satiate their needs and wants, but are caught in the trap of their rules by the different facets of life.... Oh Oh.... Sad but true.... and the extremities of the needs vs the rules may give arise the facets to personalities and when one is not conscious lead to the disorder with possible undesirable consequences.... So what ? Isn't that life ?
When one finds solace beyond the different facets of life - and can let go without an emotional baggage - which we know by powerful word "guilt" - is it wrong ? Is it right ? Varies from person to person - based on the life stage - based on the priorities .... and if one can add this other dimension and be content - Is that not nirvana ?
Different Facets .... yet another facet added !!
This set me thinking and re-thinking on the hypocrisy of life and when does one draw a line... A myriad of thoughts on what one thinks, talks and actually does in life - easily brushed aside that it is the call of the role - daughter/sister/wife/mother/aunty/grandmom or son/brother/husband/uncle/grand-dad or the employee/boss/employer relationship.
The roles are different facets of life and in living up to these roles - somewhere deep within the personal realm is lost. We are so sunk in the whirlpool of life that some of us don't realise our personal needs until it is too late while some others do want to satiate their needs and wants, but are caught in the trap of their rules by the different facets of life.... Oh Oh.... Sad but true.... and the extremities of the needs vs the rules may give arise the facets to personalities and when one is not conscious lead to the disorder with possible undesirable consequences.... So what ? Isn't that life ?
When one finds solace beyond the different facets of life - and can let go without an emotional baggage - which we know by powerful word "guilt" - is it wrong ? Is it right ? Varies from person to person - based on the life stage - based on the priorities .... and if one can add this other dimension and be content - Is that not nirvana ?
Different Facets .... yet another facet added !!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Perception Management
In the recent past, I was convinced by a very senior professional that "Perception is Reality". And in the overall scheme I thought, I knew what it meant and put some of my skills to manage perceptions. And as many of us would agree there is a very fine line between professional life and personal life, perception management also crept into my handling of personal relationships. Of course this is a trial and basis and I am aware at times - this will work and most of the time it will not.
It is so much easier to handle, Perception Management in a professional realm. The success is measurable in most simple ways - you are either accepted maybe through evaluations on the job or you are given feedback on the opportunities of improvement.
In the personal front, living is all about authenticity vs. acting, self-respect vs acceptance. If I am authentic, I am being judged by the social norms and rules. I am branded from being a rebel to being in-genuine. So i need to manage the perceptions and be accepted as a normal social animal. Hence I need to act hiding my needs and wants and be socially acceptable. In the process, there is hypocrisy in the relationships and then i lose my self-respect !! But who cares, as long as i am socially acceptable, the world around sees me as a happy-go-lucky go getter... And this honour should keep me going.. Outwardly successful .... but the Inner success has taken a beating ..... My inner self has taken a beating .... and to rely on anyone to help me out is mere foolishness !! Nothing wrong with anyone not willing to help... but to expect the thought process to be synchronous is wrong. Hence it is all about Perception Management !!
Manage my wants, needs and thoughts - driven entirely by the factors which contribute to inner and outer success... and manage others to see what they want to see :-) So much for Brand Identity through Perception Management !!
It is so much easier to handle, Perception Management in a professional realm. The success is measurable in most simple ways - you are either accepted maybe through evaluations on the job or you are given feedback on the opportunities of improvement.
In the personal front, living is all about authenticity vs. acting, self-respect vs acceptance. If I am authentic, I am being judged by the social norms and rules. I am branded from being a rebel to being in-genuine. So i need to manage the perceptions and be accepted as a normal social animal. Hence I need to act hiding my needs and wants and be socially acceptable. In the process, there is hypocrisy in the relationships and then i lose my self-respect !! But who cares, as long as i am socially acceptable, the world around sees me as a happy-go-lucky go getter... And this honour should keep me going.. Outwardly successful .... but the Inner success has taken a beating ..... My inner self has taken a beating .... and to rely on anyone to help me out is mere foolishness !! Nothing wrong with anyone not willing to help... but to expect the thought process to be synchronous is wrong. Hence it is all about Perception Management !!
Manage my wants, needs and thoughts - driven entirely by the factors which contribute to inner and outer success... and manage others to see what they want to see :-) So much for Brand Identity through Perception Management !!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Catalyst - to Free me
Many a time I wondered when people around me said that "So-n-So had this big impact in my life" - How can one person have an impact on my ideologies, values, my past present and future ? Are these not what we define for ourselves. Am I not in control of my life - my actions, my attitudes, my success or failure ??
Till recently i was closed to the fact that someone can have an impact in my life. I was so full of myself and I was in absolute control of my life.... And then the journey of life got me into a deep valley - where personal life, work, health were taking its turn to reach its lowest ebb and I hit upon a ray of light in a friend who was by my side and saw me driving through this valley. With words of encouragement and support, this friend helped me find answers to my woes, and helped me rebuild my strength in preparation to scale the highs.... A friend indeed !! I am short of words which can express my gratitude ....
And probably my actions made my friend uncomfortable on continuing through this journey... Alas what did i do ? One friend has this impact in my life - and I refuse to share the special place of this friend - and this appears to be binding ?? A matter of perspective... And i am given time to refrain from this friendship - lest it turn out to be more special ?? Its like being banned from my freedom to chose my friends and the relationship i share with them.. This ban is a binding on my personal space. How could I allow an intrusion in my space... Again i have been so engrossed in firming up a friendship that i allowed my personal space to be constrained. Will such a constrain build or break this relationship ?? Too many contradicting thoughts - and then I remember the words of wisdom "let go".
As much as i value Friendship - which is a keep for lifetime, I also value my space. I needed a catalyst to help me free from my binding thoughts and I also value the friend who helped me realised this. Now i realise the profound statement "So-n-so did have an impact in my life"....
Till recently i was closed to the fact that someone can have an impact in my life. I was so full of myself and I was in absolute control of my life.... And then the journey of life got me into a deep valley - where personal life, work, health were taking its turn to reach its lowest ebb and I hit upon a ray of light in a friend who was by my side and saw me driving through this valley. With words of encouragement and support, this friend helped me find answers to my woes, and helped me rebuild my strength in preparation to scale the highs.... A friend indeed !! I am short of words which can express my gratitude ....
And probably my actions made my friend uncomfortable on continuing through this journey... Alas what did i do ? One friend has this impact in my life - and I refuse to share the special place of this friend - and this appears to be binding ?? A matter of perspective... And i am given time to refrain from this friendship - lest it turn out to be more special ?? Its like being banned from my freedom to chose my friends and the relationship i share with them.. This ban is a binding on my personal space. How could I allow an intrusion in my space... Again i have been so engrossed in firming up a friendship that i allowed my personal space to be constrained. Will such a constrain build or break this relationship ?? Too many contradicting thoughts - and then I remember the words of wisdom "let go".
As much as i value Friendship - which is a keep for lifetime, I also value my space. I needed a catalyst to help me free from my binding thoughts and I also value the friend who helped me realised this. Now i realise the profound statement "So-n-so did have an impact in my life"....
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Health - Greatest Asset bestowed
Someone in the past once reminded me that Wealth is lost something is lost - but if Health is lost - All is lost !!
The profoundity of the statement dawned on me in the recent couple of days. I believed in it when it came to my near and dear ones around me - I just thought i was way above it. But when the stomach infection hit me back and had me sick all over - I was stubborn that my system will in its natural course recover and return me to normalcy !! Alas - I was wrong since the virus insisted on strict measures and being hospitalised is no mean experience with the nurses trying to find veins for the IV fluids and not finding the right entry !! OOPS - the most physically painful experience till date !! Thank God for small mercies and my attending doctor relented to my requests and i came along home singing that i got away - but Mr. Virus had me weak and dancing to its tunes - weak and drained and craving for some good food other that all the semi-solid porridge's.
Health is important - i need to focus on my diet and my woes will vanish !! Being the foodie i am - just need to change my perspectives and my Expectations. After all - Health is Wealth !!
The profoundity of the statement dawned on me in the recent couple of days. I believed in it when it came to my near and dear ones around me - I just thought i was way above it. But when the stomach infection hit me back and had me sick all over - I was stubborn that my system will in its natural course recover and return me to normalcy !! Alas - I was wrong since the virus insisted on strict measures and being hospitalised is no mean experience with the nurses trying to find veins for the IV fluids and not finding the right entry !! OOPS - the most physically painful experience till date !! Thank God for small mercies and my attending doctor relented to my requests and i came along home singing that i got away - but Mr. Virus had me weak and dancing to its tunes - weak and drained and craving for some good food other that all the semi-solid porridge's.
Health is important - i need to focus on my diet and my woes will vanish !! Being the foodie i am - just need to change my perspectives and my Expectations. After all - Health is Wealth !!
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